And it just got really real

I’m a leavin’ on a jet plane… Sing it with me now!  However, I DO know when I’ll be back again (Lord willing of course).  I took a huge leap of faith yesterday and actually bought my airline tickets for…
 

ETHIOPIA!  Whaaaaaa????  Not the hugest tourist and vacation destination, I know.  Let me back up a bit for you.  I’ll go all the way back to the beginning.

 

Several months back, I can’t even pinpoint an exact time, there were many things in my life that kept pointing to one word.  The word kept popping up and I wasn’t sure why or what I was supposed to do with it.  The word was “Africa.”  For a long time I thought about it and (to be honest) prayed only a little about it.  But “Africa” kept coming up and stirring in my heart.  I let it sit there and simmer for quite a while as I know God wasn’t ready to let me know why He was bringing it up yet. 

In April of this year our church hosted it’s first “Chosen” Sunday where we focused on those in need.  The priority was placed on any person in need from our own church family, to the Buffalo community, and to the entire world.  We had people come to represent the different organizations they worked & volunteered for such as our local Crisis Nursery, Compassion International, the Buffalo Food Shelf and Children’s HopeChest.  We also heard testimonies and personal stories from people in our congregation who have been foster parents, child sponsors, and from others who have adopted children of their own.

As I listened to one gal, Karen, talk about her experience with adopting their two sons from Ethiopia and also about the organization that she works with, something grabbed hold of my heart.  The impulsive part of me wanted to jump up and run to the nearest adoption agency and say, “I want to adopt a child who needs a Daddy & Mommy!  Right now!”  But I knew that that wasn’t God’s plan for us and that I needed to just pray and wait until God let me know what He wanted me to do.  I started really thinking and praying about the next step God wanted us to take as a family and I was pretty sure about what it was.  I needed to talk to Jeremiah about it and so I said, “Honey, I’ve been thinking,” to which he replied with, “Uh oh.”  I smiled and continued, “What do you think about adopting?”  He just stared at me blankly until I felt enough time had gone by for him to feel sufficiently freaked out and said, “Too much?  Ok, well then how about sponsoring a child from Children’s HopeChest in Ethiopia that Karen was talking about a few Sundays ago?”  Children’s HopeChest (CHC) is an organization that our church has been in a growing relationship with for the past couple years.  Jeremiah was on board right away, and was probably relieved that I wasn’t serious about adopting. 

In just a couple short days we were the proud sponsor family to Zekir, a little kindergartener who attends Kind Hearts School in Ethiopia, through CHC.  Our children were excited about “our new buddy Zekir” and were thrilled when we got to go to the store and pick out gifts to send directly to him via one of the mission teams going to Ethiopia a few days later. 

Shortly after all of this I had been praying about what God was doing and what I was supposed to be doing when out of the blue, at a garage sale, my friend Julie said, “Do you want to go to Ethiopia with me in November?”  I kind of just stood there and all I could get out was, “Yes. Maybe.” 

I started praying if THIS was what God was leading me towards.  I talked with Jeremiah and he was fully on board if this is what God was asking of me.  I talked with Karen and got my name on the waiting list (waiting list for a mission trip… what a FABULOUS problem to have!).  I just prayed that God would reveal the plan and let me know how to be obedient.  I was, surprisingly, very patient in waiting for Him to give me the answer and on June 27^th He said, “Go.”  And so here I am, planning to be a part of a mission team to Ethiopia in November, 2013.  While there, we will work with the children at two of the care-points that CHC has- Kind Hearts & Trees of Glory Schools.  Each of these care-points serves to educate, feed, clothe, provide medical care and clean water, and come along side families (if the children have one) in raising up children in this very poverty stricken region.  I will have the privilege of working 3 full days at each care-point, teaching and loving the children there, and also get the awesome opportunity to meet Zekir and his family!

From the time I was in ninth grade and went on my first mission trip, service & mission projects have had a special place in my heart.  It hasn’t always seemed logical or felt like it was going to work out in the way that I thought it should.  But I know that God is bigger than my plans.  Whether it is working in Ethiopia, the mountains of West Virginia, the hills of Wyoming, the plains of North Dakota, the inner city in Minneapolis, or in lil’ ol’ Buffalo, God has called me to care for and love those less fortunate in very real and practical ways. 

If you feel so inclined and have a spare minute or two, would you please pray for me and the team that will be traveling November 14-25, 2013 to Ethiopia?  Pray that God would be smooshing and squishing our hearts so that we feel the burden of the kiddos and families we get to serve over there.  Pray for safety among the team.  Pray for all logistical things to fall directly in line with where they should be.  Pray for health and that our tummies can easily handle the food that will be different to us.  Pray for energy, perseverance, and stamina.  Pray for peace for our families back at home.  Pray that God’s Word and His love would be so evident in all we do that the children and families we are serving won’t be able to miss it and that they will feel the Love of God deep within their hearts! 

Earth Shattering Calls from God... Errrr not...

I wrote this awhile ago, but it was in the last MOPS newsletter and it was a good reminder to myself. Especially with summer coming up!  Enjoy! 

It was an amazing weekend filled with amazing women, amazing speakers, and amazing sessions.  To give you a better feel… it was… well… amazing.  The “Hearts at Home” conference had wrapped up and I was filled to the brim.  The Lord had certainly shown up as thousands of moms converged on the Rochester Civic Center for 24 hours of worship, fellowship, eating, chatting, learning, shopping and growing.  We heard incredible words of encouragement from Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, we laughed until we had tears streaming down our faces from listening to a hysterical improv trio.  The Lord was blessing us in immeasurable ways, allowing us to be filled with His Glory!

The following week as I was looking back on this high experience I had so many ideas and thoughts floating in my head that I didn’t know how to begin to process.  Being a note taker I thought that my first line of duty would be to spend some time reading through and re-copying my notes, in fun colors and nicer handwriting for easy access of future reference of course!  Side note on that… As I’m writing this, I went to go grab my notes to look them over, only to realize that I really have NO CLUE where I put them.  Awesome.  Anyways.  I had re-written my notes and had about 4,936 things that I was going to put into action as a Christ-follower, a wife, a mother, a Children’s Ministry worker, a friend, and as a homemaker.  I had gone to sessions about relationships with close friends, listened to speakers talk about organization and learning to “FLY” (Finally Love Yourself), watched as women spoke of heartache and past regrets turned to an intense desire to impress a love for God on their children’s hearts.  I was ready to hit it, head on!  Oh wait… I should probably pray about this.  I have a tendency to bite off a lot to chew, so I figured I should seek the Father’s guidance on this one.  So I sat before Him with these words, “Lord, what an awesome weekend!  You have blessed me with an indescribable weekend and there is so much that I have taken away.  Lord, lead me to the steps that you want me to take in my life that will glorify You.  Help me to listen to Your voice and know the things you want me to do.”  I was armed and ready to be Super Wife, Super Mom, and Super Christian!  I was ready to listen, for He was sure to give me great direction and clarity.  After all, I had just spent a weekend gulping up every sweet word like honey.  And sure enough, the Lord spoke!  And this is what He said, “Clean off your kitchen island countertop.”  Umm. What?! Surely I was just being distracted by things in my house and I was not focusing on His bold words to me.  “Ok Lord, I’m listening,” I prayed.  This time as I felt more focused, He was louder and clearer and He said, “CLEAN OFF YOUR KITCHEN ISLAND COUNTERTOP!”  Oh.  That IS what you said.  Ummmm, ok.  So I set to the task of cleaning off the island.  I made sure I was putting everything away in the spots they needed to go, not just moving junk around.  It was all cleaned off and I approached the throne again.  “Done Lord!  What’s next?”  “Keep it clean,” he said.  “WHAT?!  Do you know that I just went to this incredible conference with nationally known speakers, ONE WHO HAS 19 KIDS NONETHELESS!  I’m ready to take on big things Lord!  Come on, lay it on me!”  Again He said, “Just keep your counter clean.”  Well I rolled with it.  I guess I had to admit that if this was all He wanted me to do for now, then I got off easy! 

After several days of guarding my precious, clean island like an armored soldier, I realized just why the Lord had called me to this task.  After many days I saw just how this island was becoming our meeting grounds.  Each afternoon, my older kids would come home from school, come into the kitchen where I would have a snack waiting for them on the island (previously, they’d just rummage through the pantry to find something to grab) and we would all congregate around chatting over the day, talking about what they had for lunch, what happened at recess, who interrupted the teacher and got in trouble, what people had for show-and-tell, and so on.  God desires for us to reach the hearts of our children for Christ.  Communication (and good snacks!) are a central way to do that.  When they know that we are safe, that they can come to us, when they have open lines of communication with us to talk about whatever it is they need to talk about, then we as parents have the extreme privilege of being the place where faith is caught, rather than only taught.  We can show our real selves to them just as they do with us. 

Our kitchen island is becoming a place of centrality.  It’s becoming a place that I hold dear to my heart as a place where relationships with our family are built.  When God told me to clean off my counter, I was almost offended, like He was disgusted with the cleanliness of my home.  But that wasn’t it at all.  He was giving me the opportunity to capture the hearts of my children for His glory.  And for that, I’ll be eternally grateful for the soul-saving-earth-shattering-mission-driven charge of… cleaning my countertop. ;)  

Branson

Back from Branson! 
It was a great, great trip that was given to us by my mom and dad for Christmas!  My kiddos and I (because Jeremiah didn't have enough vacation time) drove down with my brother Richie & his girlfriend Melissa.  We met my parents there, along with my sister Gina & her boyfriend Chase. 
Some highlights from the trip were:
* Go-karting on a super fun track (that had a 4 level twirly ramp)
* Swimming in the pool everyday!
* Going to Build-a-Bear and the kids getting their own animals
* Eating out at a couple great places with great food
* Spending good time with family (especially Gina & Chase)
* Walking on a beautiful day at Table Rock Lake
* Cake and Cream 50's ice cream shoppe!! 
* Driving up and down the main strip which looks kind of like a family-friendly Vegas strip.  Saw things like "Ripley's Believe it or Not" building that looks like it's cracked in half, the Hollywood Wax museum that has a fake Empire State Building with King Kong on it, The Titanic Museum that looks like the front of the Titanic, driving by "our little country church" which always make the kids giggle because it's really actually huge, driving by The Track go-karting places which has multiple locations and they'd get so excited to see the one we went to. 
* The church we went to on Sunday was a great experience and I'm so proud of my kiddos who sat through the 2 1/2 hour service and did really great. 
* Having cable and getting to introduce my kids to "Full House," my absolute favorite show as a kid and seeing that they equally loved it and wanted to know why it wasn't still on!  :)  Great family values show. 
* The weather was sunny the whole time and really warm and great on Thursday and Friday.
* My kids do really great with road trips and I'm so happy about that.  I keep it fun and fresh.  We had a little "How Close Are We?" indicator: I made a little picture of MN and put it on one side of the van, then tied a string over to the other side where there was a picture of Missouri.  I printed off a picture of a van like ours, put it on the string, and moved it so the kids could see how far we'd traveled and how close we were.  We got lots of library books, a couple library movies, had Roadtrip Bingo, bought a handful of Dollarstore gifts and wrapped them up for the kids to open when they were being really good.  I had "Branson Binders" for them with paper and markers in them to color on and a whiteboard with Scrabble tiles that had magnets for Jonah and Phia to "play" scrabble with. 
I also let them pack a little backpack of stuff they wanted to play with.  They each had their own snack bin with snacks in it.  Whenever they'd ask for a snack, I let them have one from their bin.  I didn't have to go digging for one for them and they were able to have as they pleased :)
* My absolute FAVORITE was going to see "Joseph" (not the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat version).  It was SUCH an amazing musical, beautifully written and performed.  Part of the cool part of this is that I'm reading the book "How to Raise a Modern-Day Joseph" and to see this show that depicts Joseph, his story and his relationship with God put everything into a very cool perspective.

It was a wonderful, wonderful trip and none of us wanted to come home!  That's the sign of a great time! 

When God Doesn't Get the Memo

She pulled me aside and said, "I'm pregnant."  Wide-eyed, I rejoiced with her! This was a surprise and wasn't an expected pregnancy, the other three hadn't come as easily.  She seemed to have an apprehension right off the bat.  Joyful and in awe of God's work, yes she was, but an uneasiness that I couldn't place my finger on. 

A couple weeks later, I placed my finger.  The doctors noticed some abnormalities on the ultrasound and after a few days/weeks of testing, it was determined that their baby girl would have Downs Syndrome.  They embraced this challenge as a blessing and proceeded forward with careful, watchful eyes of the doctors.  Each week went by and we prayed fervently for this baby girl that would join us in February.  I prayed for perfect health for the baby, leaving whatever that looked like, up to God.  But I felt Him say to me to pray for no Downs.  So I proceeded, awkwardly, because I knew that they were embracing this and were ok with it.  I wondered if they'd be upset with me for praying this, but like I said, I believe that God wanted this prayer from me and I have to follow Him first.  I prayed that she would be the picture of health and wellness. 

On the 15th of February she made her debut into our world!  The first night was good, but things slowly slipped downward.  She was very jaundiced, but that issue paled in comparison to being diagnosed with a condition called Transient Abnormal Myelopoiesis. It is only present in some babies with Down Syndrome. It mimics leukemia and can require some of the same treatment.  My mind reeled!  My heart sank!  Leukemia?!  In a 1 day old, 5 pound baby?  How is this even possible?  As if the road wasn't rocky enough with the challenges of Downs Syndrome.  Now chemotherapy would be administered to this teeny baby... I shuddered at the thought. 

I was mad.  I was angry.  I was confused.  I felt neglected.  I felt like my prayers did nothing.  I felt desperate for my friends and their family.  I had prayed for perfect health and felt like God gave her the complete antithesis of health.  Really God?  REALLY?!  Were you listening to me AT ALL? 

I needed to pull up the bootstraps and get over myself.  I needed to pray for these new developments.  One problem.  I was still mad at Him.  I wasn't really on... how shall we say it... speaking terms with the Man Upstairs.  It's like when husband & wife are in a fight.  You know that you need to talk and communicate the issues, but you just need time.  Sometimes you look at the other, knowing that you need to talk it through, but just can't, just not yet.  It was like that.  I would start to pray and just couldn't.  I'd give an irritated sigh and walk away from the conversation, arms folded and pouty faced. 

Exasperated, I said "Ok Lord.  I just need a verse to give to my friend.  I'm going to flip open this book, 'Streams in the Dessert'."  The verse for that date was Mark 11:24, "Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."  Well if that isn't just a nice little mixture of salt and sand in the wound I don't know what is!!!  OUCH.  I felt like I got punched in the gut. Or hit by a Mac truck.  Or slapped across the face by Barney or Marshall on "How I Met Your Mother." Or chopped off at the knees.  Ok, I think you get the picture.  It stung.  Those weren't the words of comfort I was looking for.  Madder than a wet hen, I walked away from the book and said, "That wasn't it Lord, try again."  Thankfully, He obliged.

"Psalm 23," He said.  "Really Lord," I said, "That's pretty generic, everyone uses that verse, it doesn't feel very special."  (Oh my arrogance... God's Word... Not special?  Man am I a jerk)  But it kept coming back to me.  Then I received an email from a friend about this situation and she said, "I just have kept coming back to the mindset that God's character does not change, regardless of the circumstances that He allows to happen. I have been studying the 23rd Psalm and have been so amazed at the idea that we will walk through the darkest valley, but we have nothing to fear, for God is with us. He may not spare us the trip through that valley, but will be our rod and staff, there to comfort us, protect us and reassure us of His presence!  God is exceedingly generous and faithful, even when we are not so inclined!" 

Ok.  Message received.  10-4 Good Buddy.  I remembered a video I had recorded of Aphia last year and thought, "Maybe the Word of God, spoken by a [then] 4 year old are the Words we need to hear."  I listened to this and cried. God's Word is true. God's Word is right.  God's Word is alive.
 

I went back to that verse in Mark that I had read earlier.  I read the rest of the devotional, and it talked about a little boy knowing that his grandma would come through on a promise she made to him. Even while the mother was in doubt of it happening, the grandma was working it out on her own.  The promise came, just as she had said it would, not exactly how the mom and boy had expected, but better.  She came through and the boy was victorious in his faithfulness to grandma.  And so it is with God.  He's working it out, while we are waiting.  It doesn't always go as we expect.  It doesn't always go as we want.  He doesn't promise that we won't walk through the valley (of the shadow of death nonetheless!!).  But He does promise that He will be with us to comfort us and bring us through the valley. 

Through it all He reminded me that He is always there.  He's always listening to me, but just as a good parent, he doesn't always give me what I want.  I can be a whiney, stomping foot, bratty little girl, and He just shrugs and says, "Have your pity party, you know that my promises never fail.  You know that I'm always here.  You know that I'm waiting for you to come on back and be real with me.  I'm not worried about your stubbornness and selfishness, you're my daughter and I'm waiting here with open arms for when you're ready." 

I listened to the words of a Chris Tomlin song as it washed over me in the car on a snowy, windy, dark night,

"Water you turned into wine, opened the eyes of the blind, there's no one like you, none like You!
Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise, there's no one like you none like You!
Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what could stand agains?.
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?
What could stand against?"

 

I felt an unbelievable honor and priviledge to be a child of the most powerful God. A God that is SO big, Master of the Universe, and yet He stands next to me, waiting for me and wanting me to fall into His strong arms so that I don't have to pretend to be strong anymore.

 

 

Tidbits

Hello Blogger... It's been a while huh?  Yeah, sorry 'bout that.  Life, ya know.

I don't have anything big & grand to post today, but a bunch of little & mediocre things.  So if you want to plod through, be my guest  :)

-It's the day before Valentine's Day and the kiddos and I are going to finish up their cards for their friends.  We tried to stay away from giving out candy, but decided on each card getting two Life Savers with the card saying, "Valentine, We are two of a kind!"  The "o's" are the Life Savers. 

-I'm looking forward to our trip down to Branson, MO with my parents & two of my siblings (and their SO's) in less than a month.  I don't think I'm going to make my goal of losing 8 pounds by then. 

-On said trip to Branson, we will be leaving at 3:00 a.m. and I love, love, love driving at this time of the morning when it's dark and quiet.  No music, no radio, just a van full of slumbering people, my thoughts, and my Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha. 

-I am going to be working full time for 8 weeks this spring/summer.  I am excited and dreading this all at the same time.  I'm excited because I love my job and it will be very exciting!  I'm dreading it because it's the beginning of summer and I'll miss that time with my kids.  But at the end of the 8 weeks we are going to FAMILY CAMP!!!!!!!!!  We're going to a camp in northern Wisconsin with friends of ours and I am SO EXCITED!!  I LOVE (I cannot write LOVE big enough here) camp.  I had dreams and visions of owning a camp when I was younger.  We'll be taking our pop-up camper and staying in that, but we'll be spending our time eating every single meal in the dining hall.  Mama doesn't have to think about cooking or doing the cooking for a WHOLE WEEK!  This is the icing on the cake.

-JJ & I are helping to facilitate a parenting class at church and participating in it, the other weeks.  It's called Swimming Upstream 101.  Parenting a child to have values, morals and a Biblical foundation today is completely counter cultural... Thus Swimming Upstream!  The video series we're watching (and reading the book to go along with it) is called Visionary Parenting and it is absolutely, hands down, phenomenal material.  More on all of this in a later post. 

-A very, very dear friend of mine is due to have her 4th baby in about 2 weeks.  I am anxiously awaiting this beautiful girl, because I KNOW that God has and is working miracles in her life already!

-Soccer sign ups for summer is happening soon. Both kids want to play again.  Jonah was very enthusiastic about wanting to play (the more... how shall we say it in a nice way? "Relaxed" player of the two).  Aphia was actually a little reluctant (the more... aggressive & cognizant player of the two). 
I loved watching both of them play last year- a stark difference from watching t-ball the two years prior (it might have been more fun to try to pluck each toe nail off one by one). 

-Today, Isaiah was the red Power Ranger and his name was Sam.  On Sunday when I went to pick him up from Sunday school, he was not there, but I was delighted to be able to pick up Superman.  We are trying to find a nice happy medium of imaginging and playing pretend (which he is VERY good at) and not telling all out lies (which he is getting good at). 

-My new nephew Ryan Jr., who I would like to call RJ but I haven't cleared that with my SIL, is 3 weeks old.  He has found his voice.  He is stressing out my SIL and I'm praying for him and her.  Those early days can be so touch and go.  It's all new and a learning process.  It's exhausting. 

-JJ is amazing these days. I keep thanking God for the man that he is to our family.  Just like everyone, we go through ups and downs, that's life.  But I love to ride the ups and downs with him.  With him the ups don't go as high and the downs don't go down too far.  I like that he keeps us pretty steady.  I'm not always the most even keeled person don'tchaknow.

So that's what's happening in Kruger Land these days. I hope you are well and making it through the winter.  Today we are one day closer to spring than we were yesterday!  Yahoo!  Peace out y'all.   

The post where I go all "capsy"

I don't mean to be a complete Debby Downer here... but well that's exactly what I'm going to be. 
The past two weeks I feel like I've been BOMBARDED with how full of crap and trash our society is. 

We all know I wasn't thrilled with the outcome of the Presidential election, but that's basically the least of it. 

1. I'm saddened that just because of how people "feel," our state is deciding that they can leave the door open to changing the definitions of words if they want to.  What?!  Who does that? A spade is a spade is a spade is a spade.  A spade is not a heart.  A spade is not a diamond.  It's....wait for it... a spade.  There are reasons it's a spade.  There are origins of it being a spade.  And just because society says, "We kinda want a spade to now be a spade AND a heart," doesn't mean that we make it both.  If peeps want to make up another word for this thing that's a spade & heart- go for it. 

2. The states of Colorado and Washington decide that recreational marijuana is now legal. Again what?!  And how does that fit in with the fact that (I believe) it's federally illegal.  All you Colorado snowboarders can now be high on the mountains, but if you want to drink soda in NY- think twice! 

3. I just read an article about transgendered people being allowed in locker rooms with the gender that they identify with.  WHAT?!  So now if I bring my daughter (who is a female, born with female genitalia) into the women's locker room with me so that we can change to go into the pool at the gym, she can be faced with a grown male's genitalia???  That's disgusting!  And LIKE I want to see some other-than-my-husband's junk!  YEAH RIGHT! EW. And who says that all these transgendered people (I don't even know if I'm supposed to call them men or women- how whacked out is that?!) who identify as women, but have male parts are actually being truthful?  What about the CREEPY CREEPY pedophile who wants to go in and see little girls (or a dude who wants to see grown women) naked?  AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!  I want to pull my hair out. 

4. Another article I just started reading included a pamphlet from International Planned Parenthood. It made my want to BARF. It talked about the sexuality of "young people."  I thought, "How young are these people?  18-21?  18-25?"  NOPE.  These "young people" are not even adults.  Our society says that minors (and even adults ages 18-21) cannot consume alcohol, BUT they should be able to express themselves sexually in any way they want as long as the other person is ok with it???  This is BOGUS.  We don't let people under 21 drink booze because they can't handle the consequences.  THEY AREN'T MATURE ENOUGH.  But we think that young people, under the age of 18, are mature enough to make smart choices about having sex???  OH. MY. GOODNESS.  How dilisional is our society?  There are SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOO many consequences to "exploring sexuality" no matter what age, let alone some kid whose hormones are already going nuts and can hardly even make a clear & wise decision on what clothes to wear.  My heart hurts at the thought that people think this is wise. 
Should we talk about sexuality to our young people?  OF COURSE.  ABSOLUTELY.  Should we encourage them to go explore it and try it out and see how it feels at these young ages?  NO WAY. How stupid are people that they believe this is a good idea?  As a parent, I'm OUTRAGED.
I am SO sick and sad that my kids are going to grow up in a world that tells them these HUGE lies.  That there aren't really consequences for our actions and even if there are, there's always an easy fix or "solution" to them.  Sad.  Sad.  Sad.

5.  Finally.  I was just watching "Katie" and she had Dr. Phil on the show- who I generally like.  She also had this other guy on who founded some website for people who are married who want to have affairs.  He said that there was a market for it because the other dating websites had 30% of people on there that were married already.  First of all, that's sick.  Second of all, you're going to capitalize on that?!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!?!  And he thinks that THIS is not going to tear down the structure of marriage and family?  What a complete idiot!
The dude said that so many affairs were committed on Monday mornings because so many weekends were filled with unmet expectations.  Probably true.  I believe it.  But WHAT IN THE H.E.DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS happened to personal responsibility?  How about instead of always focusing on ones own expectations not being met, trying to meet the expectations of the other?  How about being the FIRST one to turn the marriage around?  How about being the FIRST one to take the step towards a spouse instead of waiting for THEM?  What happened to "change starts with me"?  Marriages around the globe fail because of pure selfishness.

Love starts as a feeling, a super awesome, amazing feeling.  But it often times turns to the mature choice that people make when the initial feeling goes away or seems less than brilliant anymore.  We make the choice to show love, even when it doesn't seem to come naturally.  THAT is what love is!!!  It's choosing to put the other person's wants, needs, desires in front of our own or even in front of our own "what I would or wouldn't normally do."  Sometimes I really don't want to stay up and watch a movie with my man because I'm super tired, but guess what, he really likes it when I sit next to him, snuggled up to watch a movie.  So I watch the movie and snuggle up by him.  Sometimes I get really excited about something and he (in case you didn't know) doesn't always show excitement in the same way that I do.  But he knows that when he pretends to get all giddy and excited it makes me smile and laugh so he does it... for me... because he knows it makes me feel loved and attended to.

Wake up world.  Things that "feel" good are not always the right things.  Truth is... the right thing is always THE thing to do.  Sometimes we need to go against the grain of what "feels" right and and do what IS right. 

Ok, now that my blood pressure is probably 190/100 I need to relax and go enjoy a lil Curious George with my lil buddy who just woke up from his nap. 

thoughts from a thursday

Lately lots of people have been asking me the question, "How are you?"  Don't get me wrong, it's not like this is an odd question, people ask it all the time and I don't think much about it.  But lately, before I answer, I've really been thinking about how I answer. 

I can honestly say that right now life is good in my own little bubble.  I hesistate to say that because I feel like as soon as I say that life is good and calm and normal, all H.E.Double Hockey Sticks is going to break loose.

But really, it's good.  It's normal.  It's drama-less.  That makes for a Happy NeeNee. 

This morning it was snowing here in the Buff (my affectionate name for Buffalo- teehee).  I grabbed my warm cup of chai in a mug made specially for me by a dear friend, went into one of the nursery rooms at church/work, pulled up a chair made for a mini person and looked out at the field.  It was so many things... Cold yet beautiful, blowing snow yet so still, baren trees yet an earth full of life.  I was warm and safe and talking with my Lord thanking Him for the peace in me and in our home, because all around us there are things falling apart.  Things from a really small scale to a really big scale.  

There are always things falling apart somewhere- that's the nature of our fallenness. It's not how God designed it or wanted it, but it's what humanity chose and we've made our bed so now we lay in it.  I believe He does all he can to lessen the blow of our stupid choices and the selfishness we have (which is really the root of pretty much any ickiness in life).  He's a GOOD GOD and He's just and loving and caring and a Father and wants us.  He wants US!  Even when we are morons, He still wants us.  How cool is that?  He still pursues us after every single time we wander away.  And then we try our darndest to try harder, to be better, to love Him and to love others more, to show grace and mercy and compassion.  And He's there every step of the way, encouraging us and cheering us on! 

So as I sat and looked out the window, I prayed.  I thanked Him for what I have and prayed for those who need more Jesus right now.  Prayed for situations of friends who need to let go of things that are not healthy or to be.  Prayed for friends who are seeking His plan for their lives and haven't been able to clearly see it yet.  Prayed for friends who are broken.  Prayed for friends who are trying to be strong for others.  Prayed against sadness.  Prayed against loneliness.  Prayed against angst.  Prayed for guidance.  Prayed for His peace to come down on those who seek it.

I'm blessed today.  I'm blessed every day.  To have life here on this earth and forevermore.

I love Fall.  I love the start of snuggle season.  I love the word "cozy" it makes me want to giggle!  I love the smell of autumn candles burning.  I love a warm cup of coffee or chai.  I love to sit and look out the window at the winter to come.  It's our chance and season to slow. 

Praying that you will be able to slow down this season and enjoy what God has given you.  Take a moment to thank Him for it.  To listen to His voice telling you, "I love you.  I care for you.  I want you. You are treasured."