Emotional Overload

I'm grateful to say that I am a person who has been blessed with a wide range of emotions. I'm not one of those boring people (like the boy or his mini-me... just sayin') who doesn't range like us super fun people who are ALL. OVER. THE. BOARD.  What???  What's that you say?  That's not always a good thing?  Hmmm, I'll have to think that one over.
Anywho.  I can be an emotionally charged person, just ask my family.  They would all concur.  And as for those emotions, they have been overcharged and on overload for the last... well... while.
There are so many emotionally charged things going on, indirectly, in my life.  That sounds weird, I realize that, but that's the best way I can explain it.  All these crazy things keep happening to people that I know.  But the main thing is premature babies.  There have been 6 premie babies that I know, all born at least 10 weeks early, in the past 6 months.  Don't these little ones know that they are giving Auntie NeeNee gray hair?!  And the funny thing is, my start to being a mama was to a premie baby, 10 years ago TOMORROW (November 14th).  Though he was only 5 weeks early, it was early enough to give his mommy and daddy a little scare and spend some time in the NICU.
When the first two babes were born in June at 25 weeks, I was in shock, and then another baby in July and then another baby in July, and then another baby in October and then another baby in November.  Did I mention they were all more than 10 weeks early?!  That puts a girl into prayer mode.  And it's hard, when the babies are born early and God answers differently than we ask for.  But I know that He knows the big picture and I do not.  A particularly difficult thing for me in all of this is that I. Am. A. DO-ER!  And for multiple reasons, there is so little that I can do for any and all of these situations.  I process by doing and when I can't "do" then processing is a wee bit difficult, thus the roller coaster ups and downs in my head and in my heart.

Yesterday was the pinnacle of my emotionally charged roller coaster... I hope.  Very early in the morning, my very good friend Holli (who lost her sweet 15 month old, Hannah, a year ago) delivered a baby boy at 30 weeks.  Ethan was born at a whopping 2 lbs. 8 oz! They are doing well, praise the Lord!  Then I got word that Mandy, who delivered Lincoln at 28 weeks and has been at Children's Hospital since July, got to take Lincoln HOME!!!  As I was processing these things, I was also grieving the fact that the Ethiopia team was leaving for Ethiopia and I was not with them.  Even though I know that this was not my year to go, I was still full of emotions!  They were flying to D.C. yesterday and heading straight to Ethiopia from there, today.  Early on, Dana started out the morning, letting several of us know that the whole team was having major glitches in flights.  They all had to rebook and reschedule, praying all the while that they'd actually get to D.C. before this morning, so they could depart for the other side of the world today.  As of right now, they are high above Africa, close to their destination, praise the Lord some more!

So all of this is going on and of course it's a Wednesday and an Awana night.  So with that comes it's normal coordination, but then there was a snafoo with a lost voice and I got word that I needed to do the lesson for the K-2nd graders.  OK!  Here we go, prepare a lesson to give in a couple short hours.  As I'm reading through the lesson in Acts about Peter, God was just waiting for me to be done so He could tie it into the day in an incredible way.  The lesson was when Peter was in jail for teaching and preaching about Jesus' saving power.  King Herod had plans to kill him after Passover was done.  Well, as Peter's friends were FERVENTLY praying, God pulled out the big guns.  As Peter was sitting in his jail cell, chained between two guards with FOURTEEN more of them outside of the cell, God sent an angel to release Peter.  The chains fell off and Peter and the angel walked out of the cell and out of the jail into the city.  Then POOF!  The angel left him.  At first Peter was astonished, but realizing what God had done, he went to his friends to tell them and show him that he was there!  The Lord had answered their prayers in the EXACT way they prayed!  They were also JUST as surprised and astonished!  Here's one of the funny things, we shouldn't be surprised when God answers our prayers, but so often we are.  God tells us to pray continually.  So again, we shouldn't be surprised when He answers them.

So onto how God was just waiting to tie this into my day.  But first back up about 7 months.  My dear friend Becky's 1 year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia.  ISH.  What's up with that?!  A one year old with BLOOD CANCER?!  Talk about a blow to the gut.  Well, it was time to get our prayin' hands together and we did.  Countless amounts of people were praying for sweet Evelyn and her complete healing from the cancer.  Well yesterday, just as I was reading through the lesson about God answering prayers, Becky and Jeremy were receiving the results of Evelyn's tests saying that everything came back clear and she was CANCER FREE!!!  They took the central line from her chest, leaving her to cry for a couple seconds (normally they put children under to remove a line like this, but NOT EVELYN!  She is one tough little cookie!) and then in her not-yet-two-year-old voice proclaimed, "All done!"  Praise Jesus for complete healing and a perfect answer to prayer!

And to top it all off, near the end of the night I got word that another person close to me is newly pregnant.  I am going to speak loudly into the tummy of that mama to that baby to STAY PUT until 40 weeks, lest all my hair go stark gray.

My emotions needed to purge here on this blog.  Thanks for reading... if you even got to the bottom of this!  If you did, I applaud you  :)    

And just for funsies, here are two Isaiah quotes from today.  While still snuggled up under his covers this morning, I was chatting with him and he said to me, "Mom, I don't have jammies on.  Just boxers.  And Mom, did you know that I just gave myself a huge wedgie?!"  No Isaiah, I wasn't aware, but thanks for the info.
Then tonight after dinner the kids were playing downstairs and Isaiah came up half laughing, half crying and said, "Mom, Jonah was making me laugh so hard that I peed a little.  Sometimes I do that."  When I busted out laughing, he was not happy with me, so I straightened up real quick.
Thanks for the laughs Pal.  I needed the lightheartedness.    

I'm a Global-Spaghetti-Thinker

Today is so many things.
Today is cool outside, but not as windy as it has been, thankfully.
Today is warm inside with the crockpot cooking and the dryer drying the clothes.
Today is the one year anniversary of Hannah going to heaven.
Today is a busy homeschool day.
Today is the day before Halloween.
Today is a busy laundry day as we got a lot of hand-me-downs from a friend.
Today is about 2 weeks before the Ethiopia team sets out for their journey across the globe.
Today I am trying to soak everything in.
Today I am praying for so many people, especially a lot of babies.  
Today I am drinking lots of yummy coffee.
Today I am playing a lot of "jinx" with my kids and I am winning ;)
Today I am going to get my hair done.
Today I am still in my pajamas.
Today I wish I could do more.
Today I wish I could slow down more.
Today I wish I could accomplish more.
Today I wish I could just "be" more.
Today I wish my kids were still little kids, now they're all big kids.  
Today I feel burdened.
Today I feel free.
Today I feel full.
Today I feel the reminder of my need for my Savior.
Today I will read aloud to my kids.
Today I will snuggle with Big at nap time.
Today I will carve pumpkins.
Today I will have dinner ready with the boy comes home from work.
Today I will listen to the practicing's of Christmas songs on the piano.
Today I will enjoy Beeb playing with my hair while I read aloud.
Today I will prep a fun science project for tomorrow.
Today I will read Scripture to my kids and let it sit on their hearts.
Today I will be grateful for everything that today is and today isn't.

Creatures of Comfort

We Are Creatures of Comfort…        

It has been a long, cold, blustery, snowy, long, cold, long, cold, snowy winter. It was Thursday of last week and finally the snow was 90% melted away and glimmers of the hope of spring were shining in little corners of our neck of the woods. And then it started to snow, and snow, and snow, and snow.  11 inches of a disgusting white blanket of grossness and school was 2 hours late, then called off completely.  It was April 4^th.  Ugh.  What’s a girl to do?!  Last year I went off the deep end and decided to make a beach in my living room. I had to laugh when the Kirby Vacuum sales-dude (Sidenote off of an already tangented paragraph: I say “dude” because he really can be called neither a man nor a guy or anything of the like because he was all of maybe 17 years old trying to tell me that I should buy his $3000 vacuum. He might have only been 13 because when I offered him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich he was pretty much elated!)…  Back to the point here… I laughed when he said, “Wow, the people who lived here before you must have had a sandbox in the living room!”  “No, that was us, last winter!” is what I got to reply with.  This year, there was no beach living room, despite Isaiah’s best efforts to convince me.      

 

Anywho, just as quickly as those 11 inches of gross whiteness came, they left, by Sunday at noon, it was 95% gone again and the temps were reaching the mid 60’s.  Halleluia!  Praise the Lord God Almighty!  Could it be???  Could we be safe to put away *most* of our winter gear?  It’s an exciting time ‘round these parts when you get to do that folks! 

 

And so the Kruger family got home from church and the children were directed to get their play clothes and tennis shoes on and head outside on what was a glorious day!  To my surprise, the request by Jeremiah and I of our cherubs was met by groans and moans of not wanting to go outside.  What?!  Are you JOKING?!  We have been cooped up for what seems like 8,496 days and you want to STAY INSIDE?!  This train has been wildly derailed and I’m not quite sure of what to do.  Jeremiah replied with, “Ok, you can stay inside, but you guys all have to take naps. Outside or naps. Those are your two choices.” So begrudgingly they went outside. 

 

What, of course, followed were 3 children playing outside for hours and hours and hours and NOT wanting to come inside at the end of the day.  They rode bikes, played with friends, climbed trees, filled up the kiddie-pool to have a bike wash, laughed, yelled, ran and breathed in the FRESH AIR!  They were blissfully wiped out at the end of the day. 

 

So what in the world was going on when they said that they didn’t want to go outside and play? What was up with that?  I realized that we as humanity, so often get caught in what we think is comfortable.  We get caught in the habit or the cycle of doing something over and over and over and it can be a scary thing to pull ourselves out of it and do something different.  My kids had been stuck inside for months and it was like they didn’t know what they’d do with themselves outside.  Here was this GORGEOUS day outside, but the “comfort” of staying inside was pulling at them.  I’m sure that running through Jonah’s complete analytical mind were questions like, “Will I be warm enough?” “Will there be something to play with?” “Will there be someone to play with?” “What if I get bored?” “What if I can’t remember how to ride my bike or I can’t run as fast as I could last summer?”  Going back to what seems “comfortable” always pulls at us.  To step out and experience something better can be scary to some people.  Even when we KNOW that the new thing WILL be better, we can still tend to be hesitant and wary of it.  So weird we are… So weird.  

 

I realized that it’s like that with sin too.  We get caught in it.  Caught in the familiarity of it being around us.  Most of us know that the word “sin” doesn’t have a good connotation.  It’s not something that most of us strive for… at least I HOPE NOT!  But we still wade in its swamp, afraid to step out of it and experience the white sands, blue waters, and amazing sound of crashing waves in the ocean! 

 

We all struggle and get caught in sin.  We get caught in gossiping, we get caught in anger and tempers, we get caught in self-medicating with many different substances and vices, we get caught in comparison, we get caught in judgmental-ness, we get caught in lying (even those little white ones!), we get caught in foul-mouth-language, we get caught in unforgiveness, and we get caught in putting almost everything and everyone before God.  These things are so easy to step into and so. very. difficult. to. step. out. of.  UGH.

 

But just as my kids listened to Jeremiah and stepped outside in the beautiful sunshine, we too can listen to God’s direction, leading us to something that is better.  He says to us, “Go and enjoy the good life!” and we reply with a whiney, “Noooooo, I just want to sit here in my comfy little swamp. I’ve gotten used to the smell and I know the temperature of the water.” And he says back to us, “Ok, you can stay here in this junk and I promise you, you won’t like it, or you can go and enjoy the good life. You choose.”  I want to heed the example of my kids who listened to their dad yesterday, who went out and thoroughly enjoyed the good life!  And I’m telling you, it was goooood!  They were so busy playing and having fun that I didn’t even want to bother them with dinner, so I told them that if they were hungry they could run inside and grab something and go back out. They noshed on Cheetos and bananas and granola bars and strawberry applesauce and Easter egg nest cookies and juice boxes.  I’m thinking that to a kid- THAT is the good life!  Who am I kidding?  To ME that’s the good life!  And I’m choosing to trust the Lord when He gives me a new direction to go.  Just as Jeremiah and I wanted what was best for our children and we KNEW what was best for our children, the Lord wants what is best for us and He KNOWS what is best for us.  Thanks for havin’ my back Lord, you’re pretty rad.       

What Is It About That Place?

The other day I was craving Ethiopia.  Yep, if one can crave a country, which I'm sure is entirely possible, I was craving Ethiopia. As I thought about this and all that was behind it, a lot of questions started swirling in my head.

Why do I love Ethiopia so much? Prior to my trip there, I craved being on a tropical beach or on a cruise ship. I craved a fancy dinner while on vacation with the boy. I craved crystal blue waters of the beautiful ocean, just staring at them and watching the waves roll in. I craved seeing palm trees with soft sand in my toes.

So what was it that I was craving about Ethiopia?  Was it the desertish land that lacks water in the "non-raining" months? Was it the poverty that you see in the begging woman along the road? Was it The desperation in a mother's eyes to be able to feed her children? Was it the wondering and questioning in the teens we met with, who wondered if their future would be stable? Was it driving on the roads, wondering if we'd get T-boned at any point in time or hit in a head on collision?

Or was it the beauty in the landscape? The trees that do grow there and their uniqueness? Was it seeing the water from the faucets connected to the well that gives the kids clean water to drink and wash with? Was it the smile and sparkle on the faces of the Ethiopian people when they see a friend? Was it the joy in their voices when they sing? Was it the determination to work and provide? Was it the satisfiedness with the simple things? Was it the gratefulness for small things? Was it the perfect climate? Was it the rolling hills and mountains? Was it the beauty in their faces? Was it the love of the children? Was it our team that I went there with?

Yes. Yes to all of these things. The good and seemingly bad. I craved it all. I CRAVE it all. But mostly I crave the people. For in the eyes of the people I saw the LORD shining through. In a country that is surrounded by extreme unrest, I saw the joy of the LORD in them. I saw a nation who has so little, filled with so much. I saw their pride in who they are. I crave it all, because when I was there I saw and felt the power of God in all that we did, in all that we saw, in all that we experienced.

Which brings me to a whole new level. Am I craving Ethiopia? Not really... I'm craving the LORD. And He is the only thing that satisfies. In Isaiah 58 it says, "The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Would going to Ethiopia quench my thirst? Maybe, yes, absolutely, for a bit. But will going to the LORD quench it always?  Yes, always. He will ALWAYS satisfy, his word tells us that his waters never fail.  HIS waters never fail.  :) 
 

Their Voices

I can hear their voices in song, greeting us to their school as our bus slowly pulled into Trees of Glory on the dry, crunching gravel. Anticipation of all sorts filled my mind and heart. Will they like us? Will they want to talk with us? What will I say? How will I communicate? I have no idea what they were saying while they were singing, but I could hear them singing. 
I stuck my head out of the bus window so I could see them and immediately my eyes filled with tears. Huge smiles were plastered to their faces as they “yell sang” for us. We were finally here. We were at Trees of Glory, the first of the two care points we had traveled hours and hours to visit. We were here to love, to teach, to listen, to smile, to share, to hug, to kiss, to hold hands, to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I hear their voices sing.
 

Later, as we taught in the classrooms, I can hear their voices talk of their troubles when I asked the question, “What problems and issues do you have here in this life?” Soft, quiet voices muttering answers to themselves. Knowing full well that they have a multitude of troubles, I waited for the first hand to rise to give an answer. 

“When my dad died.” My mind whirled at this answer, knowing that it would come, but unable to be prepared for it nonetheless. 

“Car accidents.” Yes, that is a real and true fear of the children attending Kind Hearts School, children who live just outside a city populated by 5 million people; a city that has zero traffic laws. 

“Being attacked by animals at night.” What a horrible thing for a child to worry about. 

“Economy problems.” What 8 year old has to worry about such a thing?! 

“Sickness.” Of course, which child has not had to deal with some sort of major illness in themselves or a close family member. I can hear their voices talk of their troubles. 




I can hear their voices as we ask our class if they would sing a song for us at the end of a long teaching day. Their voices, somewhat quiet at first, gradually growing louder and louder as they gained confidence and momentum. Seeing our faces filled with joy and excitement, they sang, oh did they sing! 

Their teacher, one of our translators, started pulling children from the desks to come and join in the song and dance at the front of the room. The children sang loud and danced with such passion and happiness. I didn’t know what they were saying, but I danced along with them. Later I was told that it was a song about how good the Lord is. The way they sang and danced held both chaos and energy and yet it was organized and peaceful all at the same time. They sang and beat drums and smiled and held hands and we all danced together. I can hear their voices sing out loud. 

And after ten days with these kids, I can hear their voices as they said “goooodbye!” The time had come to leave this place that I had quickly fallen in love with. 

I had fallen in love with the rolling hills off in the distance. I had fallen in love with the sight of the trees native to Africa . 

I had fallen in love with the paint colors on the buildings. I had fallen in love with the innovation and determination that the staff at TOG has to deeply love and care for the “orphan and the widow.” 

I had fallen in love with the beautiful faces of the 200 children whom we were privileged to meet, to love, to attend to.

I had fallen in love with seeing just how huge our world is, but just how intimate the Father’s love is for each and every one of His children. 

I had fallen in love and now my heart was breaking as we, for the last time on our trip, drove away on that dry, crunching gravel. I can hear their voices say “Goodbye…”