Was Jack Adopted?

I recently had a conversation with Jonah that I was completely unprepared for. I wasn't ready to talk about this and thankfully... I didn't have to.

Jonah's best friend, since he was 18 months old, is Jack. Jonah and Jack play together beautifully and work together really well also. One time Jonah told me that when they each want to play something different at recess (since they ALWAYS play with each other at recess) they each get to pick one thing they like that the other wants to play and then they combine the two ideas and play that. For two first graders? Brilliant. See what I said they are BEST BUDS.

So the other day when Jonah asked me if Jack was adopted, I wasn't prepared for the conversation. It went something like this:

Jonah: Mom, was Jack adopted?

Me: No.

Jonah: I think he was.

Me: No, Jonah, he wasn't. Why do you think that?

Jonah: Because Jack has brown eyes.

Me: Yes, I know. So do Megan and Jonas. (Jack's older sister and younger brother)

Jonah: So then they were all adopted because they all have brown eyes.

Me: No, Jonah. They weren't. Jeremy (their dad) has brown eyes.

Jonah: I know, but Becky (their mom) doesn't. She has blue eyes and you can't have a kid with brown eyes if you have blue eyes.

Me: Yes, you can if one of the parents has brown eyes.

Jonah: Yeah, but it has to be the mom because the baby comes from the mom. What does the dad have to do with it? Why does it matter if the dad has brown eyes?

Me, in my head, thinking: Oh crap, I didn't know that this conversation was going that direction. Not prepared! Not prepared! Retreat! Retreat! Not going to talk about the facts-of-life yet with my seven year old!!!

I decided to meet him where he was at, at this point. He's very black & white, analytical, methodical, and really loves to learn things.

So I talked about genetics. I said, "Well when God puts a baby in a mommy's tummy He takes the genetics, which are the characteristics each person has, like eye color, skin color, height, face shape, stuff like that, from both the mommy and the daddy and blends them all together and combines them in the baby. That's why you look so much like daddy!"

That was a satisfactory answer to him- THANK GOD!

I'm still looking back at it and how caught-off-guard I was. I was just NOT seeing the curve in that road we were traveling down. But, thankfully, crisis averted!

Now, don't get me wrong- Youth Director by trade- I will be talking to my children about sex and all that jazz very openly and honestly, just as I did with my youth group kids. I was very open about it all with my younger siblings too. I was honest, but held my standards high. I will do the same for my children. WHEN. THE. TIME. IS. RIGHT. And that time was not last week. Whew.

Not Ok...

I have had lots of things swirling around in my head to blog about for a while now. None of them have come to fruition- obviously. But the past few days these words have been coming up a lot lately with Jeremiah and I... "We're not ok."

Let me back up. About a year ago, we really were NOT ok, not at all. Life had caught up with us and was trying to defeat us. We realized that for several years "change" was the name of the game in our lives. Now there was nothing on the horizon that was going to change and we had to figure out how to live normally with each other instead of in the mode of change. We had previously always been ready to engage in another adventure like having a child, stopping a job, starting a new job, moving homes, having another child, another job change, another child, etc.

We decided to talk with a counselor (gulp- did I just tell that to the blog world?) and it was a great decision. I was very reassured after our first visit with him when he said, "Most couples I deal with already have one OR two feet out the door. The fact that you two are not in that position and are wanting to work on your marriage before it gets close to that is a very positive sign."

One of the things that he told us was to have the attitude that "We're not ok," because the moment that you think you ARE ok and that things are good, you let yourself slide. With that mindset you stop working on your marriage and start focusing inward. It's like the alcoholic who thinks s/he is doing ok and will be just fine to have one drink. As we all know, this would not be ok. Marriage is the same. As soon as you think "We're fine," that's the moment you start to NOT be ok.

We've been applying what we've learned from our counselor for several months now. In all honesty, it was actually a few months after our last visit that things actually started to really turn around. I really had to take "letting go of control" to a whole new level and Jeremiah had to take "stepping it up" to a whole new level.

Jeremiah mentioned the other day that we weren't ok and it kind of took me off guard... This is usually MY point of view ;) But then he reminded of me what Dr. A had said and I was delightfully appreciative of his perspective. He is proving to take our counselors words to heart and apply them in our marriage and family.

I always hesitate to write or say stuff like this because I have that feeling that the other shoe will then drop shortly thereafter. This time I'm choosing to name and claim it baby! And all the while, I'll continue praying that no other shoes ever drop :) But if they do, we'll make it. Neither of us is leaving and we're in this for the long haul.