Feeling All the Feels

Lots of feels going on over here these weeks.  Last night Isaiah had his school program.  The Kindergarteners were OVER-THE-TOP cute.  CUTE.  With all their "Boom! Boom! Ain't it Great to be Crazy"'s and their "Que Sera Sera"'s.  Who could stand it?  The program was entitled, "Love You Forever" and followed the story from the book.  Each grade sang a song that went along with the progression of the book.  I can't even.

And then... AND THEN... their music teacher had asked parents to email her a picture of the kid with their parent(s).  And then she did a slideshow with them.  Now press play on the video below, just to listen to the words of the song, it's not the slideshow she did, and read the rest of the blog.

The slideshow of parents taking selfies with their kids or family pictures of the fam while all the kids sang the Coldplay song, "Fix You"... you know the one that goes, "Lights will guide you home..."  and all the kids had little flashlights that they did choreographed movements with. {sidenote on that song... Isaiah calls it "Lights Will Guide Your Bones" because the words go, "Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones."  I laugh every time he mentions the song.}

All of this was especially emotional for me since Isaiah is going to join the older two at home next year and we will be homeschooling all of them.  And so when they sang the words, "Lights will guide you home,"  I was pretty much a fountain of tears.  I'm a fountain of tears just listening to the music, remembering last night, and typing this.  And ya know... when the lyrics say, "Tears streaming down your face..."  it's all just too much...  TOO MUCH PEOPLE!!!

And then if that wasn't enough, Principal Louwagie said that the middle school students had asked if they could sing "The Blessing Song" over Ms. Gorton (the long term music substitute who rescued the music program the last half of the school year).  Que the tears AGAIN!  All the kids raised their hands to her and sang "The Blessing Song" over her.  And I didn't expect it, but Aphia raised her hand and sang along too.

I am so very grateful that God has called us to homeschool our kids.  I feel extremely privileged that I get that honor.  But we also love St. Francis Xavier School.  It is going to be tough next year, not having a connection there.  Jonah started pre-school there and we have had a child in elementary school or pre-school there for the past 6 years.

Jonah is finished with 5th grade in just days from now.  All he has left is 5 math lessons, and I told him that once they are finished, he's DONE.  DONE WITH ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.  Jeremiah and I are going to take him to the sushi restaurant here in town (because he LOVES sushi!) and have a little celebration night with him.  But there will be no tears that night, because it's not one of those ceremonies where I would do that, ya know?  And I think that's ok for now.  I need this to be an exciting time... a moving-on of sorts.  I told Jeremiah that God called us to homeschool because my psyche and emotions couldn't handle all of the "graduations" that schools put on for the kids.  I'd have a perpetual headache from all the tears.  I've decided that I will never grant my children all the credits that they need to finish middle and high school.  I'll always hold one credit hostage so they CAN NEVER LEAVE ME!!!!

Thank the Lord that Aphia has no big things this year.  I would crawl into a hole and die.

Happy Friday.    

Yes, Please Slow Down

We were done!  It was a glorious night of Awana Awards and the year of flexibility was over.  For those of you who don't know, our church was under a major construction project all year (and still is!) This caused our Awana program, for which I am the Commander of, to put on it's "flexibility hat" and go through the year, not knowing what things we might encounter during any given Sunday.

The Leadership Team had endured, showed up, championed the program, and continued to pour their hearts into the lives of well-over-a-hundred preschool and elementary kids. They were the rockstars that kept that canoe rowing.  They may not have known where their small group would meet until moments before needing to be there, but they never skipped a beat.  The kids felt secure and safe, knowing that their leaders had their backs.

I was in "Commander" mode during the Awards ceremony.  I hand my own kids their Awards, just as I hand them to all the other students.  I kind of detach myself and do my job during Awana.  It's a hard reality to look back on, but it is what it is.  This is all we know.

And now, it was all done.  Done.  Breathe big sigh of relief for a year well played.  But as I sat on the stairs in our home, I looked over at Jonah in his Awana jersey.  It hit me, he would take it off in a few minutes and put on his pajamas and head to bed.  And he wouldn't ever put that shirt back on.  He was done.  He was done with Awana.  How could this be?!  Wasn't I just sitting with him, wishing he was a little older so we could START Awana?  I wanted to help with the Awana program at church and wanted him to be older so I could volunteer, but with questions of apprehension swirling in my head like, "Would they need me?  Would they want me?  Would I be good enough to volunteer?"  I guess I really didn't need to think or worry about those things, given the current situation.  :)

Jonah started as a Cubbie at age 3.  He worked through Cubbies, through Sparks, through T&T, memorizing hundreds of Bible verses, doing Bible study and investigation, and completing tasks helping him to grow and build his faith.  And now he was finished.  I looked at him and my world suddenly gripped me.  How was he done?  How did we FLY through these 8 years?

I've been lamenting the days when my kids were little-little.  When they couldn't say their R's and said motodacka instead of motorcycle.  I always seemed to have a way of wishing my life was about 5 years in the future.  Now Timehop has a way of making me wish I was about 5 years in the past.

I found this song yesterday, by Nichole Nordeman.  She has been one of my favorite Christian artists for well over 10 years.  She wrote this song for her son who just completed 5th grade.  I watched and listened to it.  And I UGLY CRIED.  U.G.L.Y.  It's spot on.  Jonah's not done and gone.  I still have 7 years to go with him at home.  But I'm identifying with this song in that I just need things to Slooooooooooow Dowwwwwwnnnnnn.

So, this Mother's Day weekend, this is for all you mamas who just need the time to just slow down. Who just need to be able to enjoy a few moments and trap them in your memories and smile.  

Happy Mother's Day beautiful Mama's, near and far.