Both

I can’t always have both. I want both. But I cannot always have both. There are so many times in life that I would just feel so much better if I had been blessed with the ability to split myself in two and be two places at once. Does that seem like to much to ask? Seriously.

I want to go out sledding with Jeremiah and the kids, but I want to stay home and snuggle in. I want to take a shower, take off my old, grungy toenail polish and re-polish, but I want to be lazy and do nothing. I want to go out with my friends and sing karaoke, but I want to stay with my family because we’ve been busy all day and I just need down time with them. I want to go to all the Christmas and New Year’s festivities with all of our families and friends, but I want to stay home, keeping it low key, like Jeremiah always asks for. I want to go to bed and sleep, because I know that Isaiah will be up like clockwork at 7:00 a.m., but I want to stay up and watch a movie with Jeremiah. I want to cook a yummy homemade meal because I love to cook, but I want to go out for Thai food because it is so yummy!

I can’t have them both, all the time. I need to remember this. I need to be able to make a decision and be satisfied with it. I need to feel no guilt from either side, because in reality, both sides will be fine with or without me. I need to know that sometimes it is ok to say “yes” and sometimes it is ok to say “no”.

It seems that the idea of “balance” is an idea that a lot of people struggle with. There are probably very few people who would say that they always have a nice, even balance in their lives. But it is not something that cannot be strived for. Balance is a good goal. I like happy mediums. In life, I think they seem to rank high... just after relationships. (That was a mantra we always said in my Youth Ministry classes, “It’s all about the relationships.”) That is where the tricky part comes in. For me, I’m very relational, and so I like to be with everyone all the time. But I need the balance of being with those whom I love and care about, but also finding alone, quiet, down time.

Ahhh, the blessing that a new year brings. The chance to ponder these things. The chance to look ahead to the newness and make decisions about what this year will bring and how I will shape and form it. It’s my life. It’s my choice. And I’m going to forge ahead with what I think God wants from me. And that my friends, this year, is a balance of both.