This story starts roughly 6 months ago. Just having moved into our new home, putting our old home on the market and waiting what we thought was patiently for it to sell; we began a journey that brought us many thoughts, lessons, and emotions. I blogged a while back about some of the things that I've learned on this journey. I'm really not sure how to link that blog post to this blog post, but it was written in October and titled "Learning Much," if you care to read it. It seems that after that post there was another lesson I was to learn on this road.
Several weeks back, I was driving home from the grocery store by myself. I was having a little conversation with the Lord and was being quite verbal. My volume was loud. I was asking God the question I had asked many times before, "What am I supposed to do Lord?!" He answered me as He had many times before, "You're not supposed to do anything." In the past I've heard it like this, "You're not supposed to
DO anything." This time I heard the same answer... different emphasis, "
YOU'RE not supposed to do anything." Huh? "What do you mean Lord?" was my question. What he was about to tell me rocked my world, to say the least.
Let me scoot back a little. If you don't know me super well, let me introduce you to me. I'm a first born child. I take the lead, it's natural for me. I don't follow a lot of times. Examples: I never tried smoking when other kids were curious. I didn't drink in high school. I didn't do things with my boyfriend (ahem... ya know...) that the rest of society did. I didn't wait, like the majority of my dearest friends, to have kids. The list goes on. I'm also somewhat (and by somewhat I mean REALLY) boisterous about a few (and by a few I mean MOST) things. These characteristics carry over into most areas of my life, including my marriage. My default role is decision maker, motivator, leader, take-charger, etc.
Come on back to me, in the car, God speaking to me. He says, “Shhhhh. You need to be quiet. You need to let your husband lead. Jeremiah bought the house before you were married and he has to sell this house. It’s for him to sell. So shhhhh.” The rest of our conversation sort of went like this, “Um, Lord, do you know me? This isn’t going to be easy.” “Of course I know you and you’re right, which you are most of the time {ok, the “being right” part may have been added by me}, it is going to be close to one of the most difficult things you’ll ever do.” “So, what am I supposed to do?” “Like I said, be quiet. Tell him I told you to back off and that you’re going to follow his lead. Pray for him, encourage him and love him.” “Ok, if you say so. But I feel the need to remind you again, this isn’t going to be easy for me.” He just shakes his head at me.
Over the next few days, God, like I said, rocked my world. Jeremiah was a little stunned with his and my new roles. I had been taking the lead in ALL of the house-selling issues. Now it was him. Many, many times I wanted to ask, “Did you call…” “Did you check on…” “Did you…” “Can you…” “Will you…” and God said to me, “Shhhhh… Be still. Still your tongue. Still your lips.” When I would sit there and be still, a couple times it almost brought me to tears thinking of all the things I thought we needed to hash over and discuss. Then in typical God fashion, Jeremiah would bring up or say something about what I was only thinking about, just in time for me to not completely fall apart and lose it. It was awesomely incredible.
Here’s where it gets cool. One night my brother Richie was at our house and we were chatting a little about the house. I was briefly (and I really do mean briefly!) sharing my woes about not selling. I did not want to say too much because, well you know, I was in this “having to be quiet” thing. Richie said to me, “Have you prayed about this?” “Um, yeah.” “What have you prayed?” “Um, what
haven’t I prayed?!” And I went into my repertoire of prayers about selling the house. Get this, Richie says, “Ok,” and literally walks out of the room. Just leaves. Um ok. A while later he comes back in and I sort of wait for him to pick up, but he doesn’t. So I say, “Ok, so you just left…” He says, “God told me to tell you to march around your house.” Ummmm, this was big to me and since I was doing the whole quiet, non-leader thing, I deferred to Jeremiah, “You need to tell this to Jeremiah.” So Richie turns to him and continues on. Basically it was as such, God told Richie to tell us to go and march around our house 5 times. Jeremiah asks Richie why and Richie said he didn’t know, but that God told him to tell us.
Jeremiah shared with Richie that several times he had felt the pull to go over there and walk around the house, but he always dismissed it for one reason or another. Finally God was being LOUD LOUD LOUD, speaking so Jeremiah could audibly hear.
So the next day, a beautiful, gorgeous, sunny, Sunday afternoon when of course the neighbors were out in their yards, we prayed and marched around our house. Of course God wasn’t going to let this be easy, with no one watching us, not having to be self-conscious or anything. Nope, we had to walk around over and over and over and over and over. So we did. We were obedient. It was hard, but we did it.
A few days went by and Richie called Jeremiah. They talked about Joshua marching around Jericho, but it being 7 times. He told Jeremiah that he was supposed to go over and finish the job. He needed to walk around 2 more times. So Jeremiah listened, went to the old house and walked around 2 more times at 10:00 at night. The
next day, the guy that ended up buying our house looked at it for the first time. And today, we signed the papers and closed on the sale of our old home. {giddiness overflowing!!!}
I continued and continue to be quiet, letting my husband lead. It really, really gave a new meaning to the prayer my mother-in-law frequently prays for me to “be still.” I had to learn to not only let my body be still and calm, but my mouth. God said to me, “Am I enough? Am I enough for you to listen to? If you can’t talk, am I enough?” I had to learn to say, “Yes Lord, you are. I’ll be quiet and listen to you.” He’s also said to me, “This isn’t only for the selling of the house. This is for life. You need to watch your words and listen most of all.”
I’m trying to focus on this new role in life. It’s not only not easy for me, it’s not easy for Jeremiah. He was raised by an incredibly strong, single mother, leader. He defaults into follower just as much as I default into leader. These characteristics are who we are, yes, but in our roles as
husband and wife we are learning that there needs to be a shift. Me leading, and him following is just not what God wants for us and he’s making that strikingly clear. Jeremiah is an incredible, strong, yet quiet leader. He doesn’t always lead how I would expect, but he does in his own way.
This life, for everyone, is about learning. Learning to listen to God. Learning to be obedient. Learning it’s not “all about me.” Learning it’s about loving God and loving others. Learning that as much as we think we can control things, we have no idea what control actually is because we don’t have any control in the grand scheme of things.
It has been a long road (but I realize it could have been MUCH longer!) and I’m grateful for it.
Sold.
