Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Just Lots

On top of the kitchen island they are perched, looking at me with intent.  We are having a stare down and so far, I'm winning.  I'm just so tired today, that I don't even have the energy to stand up, walk five feet, and grab a handful of peanut butter M&M's, which happen to be my favorite candy in the whole wide world.
Is anyone else tired today?
Yesterday, I woke to the news (as we all did) of another mass shooting in the U.S. I waited to hear from my longest-time friend if she had gotten home safely, since she was in Vegas for the weekend.  I praised God that she was safe.  I cried out to Him that so many others were not.  My underlying mood for the day had been set as an upset and it lingered there all day, causing me to be short with my kids, irrational in my thoughts, harsh with my tone, and generally irritated at life.
Late afternoon, I received some heartbreaking, "Why?! asking" news from a friend, that made my heart wrench.  Pile on top of that the fact that I just had my second carpal tunnel surgery on Friday, the dull, nagging pain from the incision, and the general inability to do anything that requires two hands and I was just a pile of piles.
Today I woke up after a good night of sleep, which I was grateful for!  Aphia made a comment about how I can sleep through anything.  She was right.  Jeremiah said, "Yep, you slept through me waking up at 3:00 a.m. to check the sump pump after all the rain.  You slept through me finding that it was working fine.  You slept through me walking to the opposite corner of the basement to step in a slush of water.  You slept through me vacuuming up 3 gallons of water, turning on the dehumidifier, and the fan."  My jaw dropped as I said, "Seriously?!  Of course, it wouldn't be carpal tunnel surgery if we didn't have water in the basement!"  {side note: The day after my first carpal tunnel surgery last summer we found our ENTIRE basement under water after the sump pump just quit.}  And then I looked at my calendar and remembered that I had signed up (weeeeeeeks ago) to deliver Meals on Wheels today (good thing I have 3 great helpers home with me!).  And I'm getting a cold.  And I haven't had a cold in three years and now I'm just plain old mad.  {cough, sneeze}

And I'm just tired.  Tired. The gloomy skies and the drizzly rain just seem to echo our society and my feelings for today.  But in the midst of it all, there is good because God is omnipresent.  He is always near, and His goodness radiates through those who love.  My friends have brought us dinner and cookies and peanut butter M&M's and had coffee with me.  My mom is coming to help me with whatever I need help with this afternoon.  My husband gave it a "good ol' college try" at washing my hair for me, which was better than my one handed attempt.  My hair stylist friend offered to wash my hair EVERY DAY for me and all she asks is that I give back to my church.  My uncle offered to drop what he was doing to come over and help with the water in the basement.  Jeremiah's good friend (who is roughly the same size as him) randomly gave him two pairs of super nice jeans and he has no idea how long I have been procrastinating in shopping for new jeans for him!

And so through all the heart ache of lives lost and the complete devastation that was caused, I look to the Heavens.  I look to see where our help comes from.  My help comes from the Lord, Maker of Heaven and Earth.  He has {lovingly} given us free will and His heart breaks a billion times more than mine when He sees His creation turning to such evil.  I will turn my eyes to Him.  I will love all the more.  I smiled bigger to the Meals on Wheels recipients today and lingered a bit longer to see how they were.  I will treasure each moment with my T&T Awana girls tomorrow, while encouraging and helping to bind us as a team.  

I will turn my eyes to Him.  I will love more.

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