jealous

I have a confession. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of lots of things and lots of people. I hate it. I've lived with this issue my whole life. Around Christmas time it can get pretty bad. The world is shoving materialism down our throats and there's commercials and ads and HUGE SALES for everything under the sun. During this time that I want so badly, only to be focused on Jesus and the miracle that God gave us in this tiny baby, I constantly find myself wanting, wanting, wanting. Reverting back into a little kid with the itch for gynormous, grandios Christmas presents. But that's not even it. I'd be totally fine not getting much for Christmas, maybe not even anything... As long as I could go shop the "after Christmas sales" and buy, buy, buy!! It's ridiculous. I kind of make myself want to puke.

So I'm choosing differently this year. I'm the one who controls my thoughts and attitudes. I'm doing my best this year to give Christmas to my children in stories about baby Jesus. About his mom. About his dad. Where they went and why. With questions for them to ponder and think about. And I'm praying that in this season, I won't look at what others have, that I don't have. I'm praying that I will look upon the 3 little faces looking back at me, and know that I've got the world in them. I've got everything I had always hoped for in them. And I'm grateful for the gift that God has given to me in them. What a blessing to be their mom. What a blessing to be here with them everyday. THIS is what I wanted. THIS is what I want. I have JUST EXACTLY what I've always wanted and in this Christmas season, I need to remind myself of that.