What Is It About That Place?

The other day I was craving Ethiopia.  Yep, if one can crave a country, which I'm sure is entirely possible, I was craving Ethiopia. As I thought about this and all that was behind it, a lot of questions started swirling in my head.

Why do I love Ethiopia so much? Prior to my trip there, I craved being on a tropical beach or on a cruise ship. I craved a fancy dinner while on vacation with the boy. I craved crystal blue waters of the beautiful ocean, just staring at them and watching the waves roll in. I craved seeing palm trees with soft sand in my toes.

So what was it that I was craving about Ethiopia?  Was it the desertish land that lacks water in the "non-raining" months? Was it the poverty that you see in the begging woman along the road? Was it The desperation in a mother's eyes to be able to feed her children? Was it the wondering and questioning in the teens we met with, who wondered if their future would be stable? Was it driving on the roads, wondering if we'd get T-boned at any point in time or hit in a head on collision?

Or was it the beauty in the landscape? The trees that do grow there and their uniqueness? Was it seeing the water from the faucets connected to the well that gives the kids clean water to drink and wash with? Was it the smile and sparkle on the faces of the Ethiopian people when they see a friend? Was it the joy in their voices when they sing? Was it the determination to work and provide? Was it the satisfiedness with the simple things? Was it the gratefulness for small things? Was it the perfect climate? Was it the rolling hills and mountains? Was it the beauty in their faces? Was it the love of the children? Was it our team that I went there with?

Yes. Yes to all of these things. The good and seemingly bad. I craved it all. I CRAVE it all. But mostly I crave the people. For in the eyes of the people I saw the LORD shining through. In a country that is surrounded by extreme unrest, I saw the joy of the LORD in them. I saw a nation who has so little, filled with so much. I saw their pride in who they are. I crave it all, because when I was there I saw and felt the power of God in all that we did, in all that we saw, in all that we experienced.

Which brings me to a whole new level. Am I craving Ethiopia? Not really... I'm craving the LORD. And He is the only thing that satisfies. In Isaiah 58 it says, "The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Would going to Ethiopia quench my thirst? Maybe, yes, absolutely, for a bit. But will going to the LORD quench it always?  Yes, always. He will ALWAYS satisfy, his word tells us that his waters never fail.  HIS waters never fail.  :) 
 

Their Voices

I can hear their voices in song, greeting us to their school as our bus slowly pulled into Trees of Glory on the dry, crunching gravel. Anticipation of all sorts filled my mind and heart. Will they like us? Will they want to talk with us? What will I say? How will I communicate? I have no idea what they were saying while they were singing, but I could hear them singing. 
I stuck my head out of the bus window so I could see them and immediately my eyes filled with tears. Huge smiles were plastered to their faces as they “yell sang” for us. We were finally here. We were at Trees of Glory, the first of the two care points we had traveled hours and hours to visit. We were here to love, to teach, to listen, to smile, to share, to hug, to kiss, to hold hands, to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I hear their voices sing.
 

Later, as we taught in the classrooms, I can hear their voices talk of their troubles when I asked the question, “What problems and issues do you have here in this life?” Soft, quiet voices muttering answers to themselves. Knowing full well that they have a multitude of troubles, I waited for the first hand to rise to give an answer. 

“When my dad died.” My mind whirled at this answer, knowing that it would come, but unable to be prepared for it nonetheless. 

“Car accidents.” Yes, that is a real and true fear of the children attending Kind Hearts School, children who live just outside a city populated by 5 million people; a city that has zero traffic laws. 

“Being attacked by animals at night.” What a horrible thing for a child to worry about. 

“Economy problems.” What 8 year old has to worry about such a thing?! 

“Sickness.” Of course, which child has not had to deal with some sort of major illness in themselves or a close family member. I can hear their voices talk of their troubles. 




I can hear their voices as we ask our class if they would sing a song for us at the end of a long teaching day. Their voices, somewhat quiet at first, gradually growing louder and louder as they gained confidence and momentum. Seeing our faces filled with joy and excitement, they sang, oh did they sing! 

Their teacher, one of our translators, started pulling children from the desks to come and join in the song and dance at the front of the room. The children sang loud and danced with such passion and happiness. I didn’t know what they were saying, but I danced along with them. Later I was told that it was a song about how good the Lord is. The way they sang and danced held both chaos and energy and yet it was organized and peaceful all at the same time. They sang and beat drums and smiled and held hands and we all danced together. I can hear their voices sing out loud. 

And after ten days with these kids, I can hear their voices as they said “goooodbye!” The time had come to leave this place that I had quickly fallen in love with. 

I had fallen in love with the rolling hills off in the distance. I had fallen in love with the sight of the trees native to Africa . 

I had fallen in love with the paint colors on the buildings. I had fallen in love with the innovation and determination that the staff at TOG has to deeply love and care for the “orphan and the widow.” 

I had fallen in love with the beautiful faces of the 200 children whom we were privileged to meet, to love, to attend to.

I had fallen in love with seeing just how huge our world is, but just how intimate the Father’s love is for each and every one of His children. 

I had fallen in love and now my heart was breaking as we, for the last time on our trip, drove away on that dry, crunching gravel. I can hear their voices say “Goodbye…” 

Today...

Today…

Today I was slotted to wedding dress shop with my sister.

Today my sister is sick and we did not wedding dress shop.

Today I took Phia on a mommy/daughter date to get our nails done and then went shopping.  We went real shopping, like not at a thrift store or a quick run through Target.  This is a first for us.  It was so fun!  We hit up Old Navy, Colombia, Mrs. Field’s and Bath and Body Works- good times for us girls.

Today was a great day for a great 3 mile walk with a great BFF. 

Today I spent a good amount of time on Pinterest which hasn’t happened in a long time.

Today I want to start a thousand projects around the house (probably because of the time spent on pinterest), but cannot guarantee that I will finish any of them, so I will start none. 

Today I am thinking about someone close to me who had a miscarriage. 

Today I am thinking about the many moms I know who have lost little ones, whether in utero or after. 

Today my heart is so sad for them.

Today I went to the chiropractor.

Today I overheard to people at the chiropractor talking about the scoliosis they had and how it is being corrected.

Today I had hope, seeing as the 12 degree curvature I thought I had, is actually a 39 degree curvature.  Hmm. Who knew?!

Today I heard of a bunch of people taking down their Christmas tree.

Today I thought, “I could NEVER take down my tree before January,” and I never will.

Today I looked at my “Ethiopia clock” (the one that sits just above my oven clock and has Ethiopian time on it from when I was there, so that JJ & kids would know what time it was for Mom- props to JJ on that idea! And P.S. it’s not ever coming down) and wondered what my Roza was doing. 

Today my kids have been really good, playing in and outside. 

Today JJ is sick and I really wish I had more innate compassion for him when he is sick. 

Today I am wondering questions like, “Why did I get to be born after Christ was born and died and didn’t live in the time of ‘the law’?”  “Why was I born in the U.S.A. and not in some war torn or very impoverished country?”  “Why do I get to experience things like pedicures and shopping with my daughter?” “How can I be more conscious of others who don’t ever get the luxury of these things?”  “What is next for me in this journey?” 

Today has been a fantastic Saturday.

You know you've been in Ethiopia for a long time when...

1. It doesn’t surprise you to see a horse standing on the median in the middle of the road all by itself.
2. You don’t gasp or scream when you come within a ½ inch from hitting another vehicle (or even just nick their mirror with yours).
3. You don’t gasp or scream when you come within a ½ inch or less from hitting a person walking across the road or maybe even bump into them.
4. The word “ahmesugenalew” rolls off your tongue like it ain’t no thang. 
5. You question your coffee if it isn’t as black as the tunnels of the churches of Lalibela. 
6. When someone says something to you, you raise your eyebrows and give a little inhale as your response. 
7. You are a pro at squatting over a hole in a cement slab to do your duty. 
8. You can “Double Double, This This” with the best of ‘em at Kind Hearts!
9. You haggle with the shop owner over the price of a necklace- 30 birr vs. 40 birr and win!
10. You know that the goats on the side of the road with a hot pink stripe on them are ready for market.
11. You hardly realize that the kids playing with your arm hair have been doing so for the last 30 minutes.
12. Your table mate at dinner (MMM) says he wants to sponsor the waitress because she’s cute.
13. You immediately sanitize your hands after handling money.
14. You start saying, “sprechen Sie Deutch?” so the peddlers will stop trying to sell you stuff. 
15. You see a goat being slaughtered and instead of being grossed out, you’re excited that the kids get to eat such an amazing meal. 
16. The van you’re riding in is frequently driving head on with another vehicle, but you never crash.
17. After you’re done doing your duty, without giving it a second thought, you throw away your toilet paper in the trash can instead of flushing it because “that’s just how it is with Ethiopian plumbing.”
18. You realize when you are home that some of these things, crazy as they are, are very near and dear to your heart and you wouldn't exchange the experience for anything! 

Sweet Baby Girl

Fingers sit still.  Mind whirling.  Heart breaking.  Body frozen.  Emotions paralyzed.  Eyes red.  Nose running.  Prayers spoken.  Prayers screamed.  Prayers pleading.  Prayers whispered.  Prayers uttered.  Prayers silent.  Prayers desperate for the Lord.  

 

Last Saturday I went to an engagement party for a long-time friend.  It was a family party, so we were all invited, but my brood could not come and I went alone.  Another sweet friend also came sans hubby because he was working, but she was with her two daughters, ages 3 and 1.  When she came in I put out my hands to the one year old so Mama could run back to the car for a few things.  Handing her over, she said, “She’ll probably cry, but will be fine when I’m out of sight.”  I smiled at this sweet girl in my arms and she didn’t utter a peep. She looked at me and we went to sit down and play.  She was enthralled with the other kids at the party and the teeny puppy that was also in attendance.  She sat with me for about 20 minutes, watching and smiling; soaking it all in.  Little did I know, this would be the last time this sweet face would smile at me.  Little did I know, this would be the last time that I would hold her.  Little did I know that the original heartache I felt at not having my own children with me was a blessing in that I was able to sit with this sweet one, stroking her hair, playing with the soft curls, playing with the puppy, laughing at what the other kids were doing because this would be the last time I would do those things with her.

Sweet little Hannah passed away on Wednesday morning.  Her Mama went into her room and found her unresponsive.  Her Daddy did CPR on her right away and they called 911, but it was too late.  She had had pneumonia a couple weeks ago, had been on the upswing, but then got sick again Tuesday night. She slipped from this world into Heaven peacefully in her sleep around midnight, the medical examiner said. 

I raced to the hospital to be with my friend and what I watched was one of the most difficult, heart wrenching things I’ve ever, ever seen.  In the ER, Hannah laid in her mama’s arms while the nurses & social workers painted and inked little Hannah’s hands for handprints.  Her Daddy sat next to them holding her Mama.  It was very quiet.  I watched my dear friend take a washcloth and wipe the paint from Hannah’s precious little hand. The sight of this was almost enough to completely break me.  This little hand that should be having the finger paints washed from it. This hand that should be having the sand from the beach washed from it.  This hand that should be having the play-doh washed from it.  This hand that should be having the brownies washed from it.  This hand that should be having the makeup that she was trying to put on her-big-girl-self washed from it.  Her mama kissed her hand and laid it down, having washed it for the last time.  Her mama whispered sweet words to her and they continued to love her.

 

These have been some of the most horrid and awful days that I can recount.  I can barely complete a thought in my head.  This hurts so deeply, down in the depths of my heart, that I find it almost impossible to breathe at times.  If my heart feels this way, I can’t even imagine what my dear friend’s feels like. 

 

No matter who we are, we find ourselves asking the question “Why?”  There is no good answer to the question “Why? Why God? Why?”  The only answer is, “I don’t know,” and that’s ok.  We want answers because we think it will make us feel better, but it really won’t.  There is no way we can ever feel better about the loss of a dear, sweet babe.  The only way that we will ever again see light, is through the light of Christ.  Our Heavenly Father is the source of comfort from pain.  The source of peace from calamity.  The source of knowledge during uncertainty.  The source of guidance in the dark.  The source of joy from the despair.  But right now pain, calamity, uncertainty, darkness and despair are what are present at the forefront of our sight.  Right now it’s almost impossible to see beyond those things.  And that’s ok.  It’s ok to live in that world right now. 

 

But here’s the thing.  It won’t be like this forever.  There is hope in Jesus Christ.  Jesus himself said, “I have told you these things, so that IN ME you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  (John 16:33)  In Jesus we can find peace.  Without Him, the search for peace will be a losing battle.  My prayers for my friends, for our families, and for all of us is that we will seek the face of Jesus in this time.  As a parent, when something is going on and I want to get the attention of my child and when I need them to focus on me in a time of unsettledness I say to them, “Look at Mommy.  Look at my eyes.”  When they look at my eyes and keep focused on my eyes, they are able to listen in an attentive way so that what I’m saying will sink in.  When they keep their eyes on me, together we find calm amidst the chaos.  This is just as it is with sweet Jesus.  He says to us in this dark hour, “Look at me.  Look at my eyes.”  We need look nowhere else but the eyes of Christ.  And in the eyes of Christ, we will one day find true peace again. 

Why?

Why are you going?

This question has been posed of me, in reference to my upcoming mission trip to Ethiopia, a few times in the past couple weeks.  This question, “Why are you going?” is a very different question than, “What are you going there to do?”  While I surely know what our team is going there to do and what I am specifically going to do, the big question of WHY behind the trip is still a bit of a mystery to me. 

Let’s take a step back and look at the big picture here kids.

I am the wife to one husband, a mother to three children, an Elementary Ministry Director to a couple hundred children, and a housekeeper to one house among all the other hats I get to put on in a given day.  In the midst of my life and especially in my head is normally pandemonium.  I’ve worked VERY hard to bring structure, balance, prioritizing and calmness into our home this fall.  That, in and of itself, brings stress!  Trying to bring peace, brings stress!  Giminy Crickets! How twisted is that?!  But I’m sure several of you are laughing at me at this point because of one true fact.  I. CANNOT. BRING. PEACE. Just not attainable.  True peace can only be given by the Lord.  And so in the midst of this revamping of our family life this year there have been many successes and many failures.  Oh boy… I’m really getting off on a tangent here and this is not going in the direction I was originally thinking.  Let’s get back on track, maybe I’ll come back to those thoughts later.  You’re probably thinking, what kind of a writer are you?!  Well, a jumpy one I guess!

On track, READY! GO!  Ok, so I wear a lot of hats.  This is true.  Now I’m going to add “missionary” (or maybe we should say, “Global Project Partner” to be politically correct here) to that pile?  Really Lord?  I know that, “Really Lord?!  Africa?!” is a question that was asked by some people close to me and I know that it’s because they love me and my family.  Back to that whole, wife, mother, job, home thing…  Shouldn’t I just stay put and manage what I have?  Shouldn’t I be focusing on my own children, rather than taking a 15 hour flight to focus on other children?  Shouldn’t I be creating lessons for the Sunday School kids at my home church (for my job!), rather than creating lessons for kids in Africa?  Shouldn’t I be putting time and effort into my marriage with my best friend rather than building relationships with others half way around the globe?  Shouldn’t I?  Shouldn’t I?

Maybe.  Maybe I should be.  But that maybe is only what the world thinks.  This journey across the globe has been nothing but peaceful.  As I told my mother-in-law about going, “I can’t even say this feels right. It IS right.”  I know, that beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God has called me to do this, has called me to GO.  I may not know why He has called me to do this, but I know He has and that’s all I need to know for now.  God is sovereign, His timing is impeccable, His plan is perfect and His love & mercy are immeasurable.  Those are great things and I’m going to cling to those truths. 

And it just got really real

I’m a leavin’ on a jet plane… Sing it with me now!  However, I DO know when I’ll be back again (Lord willing of course).  I took a huge leap of faith yesterday and actually bought my airline tickets for…
 

ETHIOPIA!  Whaaaaaa????  Not the hugest tourist and vacation destination, I know.  Let me back up a bit for you.  I’ll go all the way back to the beginning.

 

Several months back, I can’t even pinpoint an exact time, there were many things in my life that kept pointing to one word.  The word kept popping up and I wasn’t sure why or what I was supposed to do with it.  The word was “Africa.”  For a long time I thought about it and (to be honest) prayed only a little about it.  But “Africa” kept coming up and stirring in my heart.  I let it sit there and simmer for quite a while as I know God wasn’t ready to let me know why He was bringing it up yet. 

In April of this year our church hosted it’s first “Chosen” Sunday where we focused on those in need.  The priority was placed on any person in need from our own church family, to the Buffalo community, and to the entire world.  We had people come to represent the different organizations they worked & volunteered for such as our local Crisis Nursery, Compassion International, the Buffalo Food Shelf and Children’s HopeChest.  We also heard testimonies and personal stories from people in our congregation who have been foster parents, child sponsors, and from others who have adopted children of their own.

As I listened to one gal, Karen, talk about her experience with adopting their two sons from Ethiopia and also about the organization that she works with, something grabbed hold of my heart.  The impulsive part of me wanted to jump up and run to the nearest adoption agency and say, “I want to adopt a child who needs a Daddy & Mommy!  Right now!”  But I knew that that wasn’t God’s plan for us and that I needed to just pray and wait until God let me know what He wanted me to do.  I started really thinking and praying about the next step God wanted us to take as a family and I was pretty sure about what it was.  I needed to talk to Jeremiah about it and so I said, “Honey, I’ve been thinking,” to which he replied with, “Uh oh.”  I smiled and continued, “What do you think about adopting?”  He just stared at me blankly until I felt enough time had gone by for him to feel sufficiently freaked out and said, “Too much?  Ok, well then how about sponsoring a child from Children’s HopeChest in Ethiopia that Karen was talking about a few Sundays ago?”  Children’s HopeChest (CHC) is an organization that our church has been in a growing relationship with for the past couple years.  Jeremiah was on board right away, and was probably relieved that I wasn’t serious about adopting. 

In just a couple short days we were the proud sponsor family to Zekir, a little kindergartener who attends Kind Hearts School in Ethiopia, through CHC.  Our children were excited about “our new buddy Zekir” and were thrilled when we got to go to the store and pick out gifts to send directly to him via one of the mission teams going to Ethiopia a few days later. 

Shortly after all of this I had been praying about what God was doing and what I was supposed to be doing when out of the blue, at a garage sale, my friend Julie said, “Do you want to go to Ethiopia with me in November?”  I kind of just stood there and all I could get out was, “Yes. Maybe.” 

I started praying if THIS was what God was leading me towards.  I talked with Jeremiah and he was fully on board if this is what God was asking of me.  I talked with Karen and got my name on the waiting list (waiting list for a mission trip… what a FABULOUS problem to have!).  I just prayed that God would reveal the plan and let me know how to be obedient.  I was, surprisingly, very patient in waiting for Him to give me the answer and on June 27^th He said, “Go.”  And so here I am, planning to be a part of a mission team to Ethiopia in November, 2013.  While there, we will work with the children at two of the care-points that CHC has- Kind Hearts & Trees of Glory Schools.  Each of these care-points serves to educate, feed, clothe, provide medical care and clean water, and come along side families (if the children have one) in raising up children in this very poverty stricken region.  I will have the privilege of working 3 full days at each care-point, teaching and loving the children there, and also get the awesome opportunity to meet Zekir and his family!

From the time I was in ninth grade and went on my first mission trip, service & mission projects have had a special place in my heart.  It hasn’t always seemed logical or felt like it was going to work out in the way that I thought it should.  But I know that God is bigger than my plans.  Whether it is working in Ethiopia, the mountains of West Virginia, the hills of Wyoming, the plains of North Dakota, the inner city in Minneapolis, or in lil’ ol’ Buffalo, God has called me to care for and love those less fortunate in very real and practical ways. 

If you feel so inclined and have a spare minute or two, would you please pray for me and the team that will be traveling November 14-25, 2013 to Ethiopia?  Pray that God would be smooshing and squishing our hearts so that we feel the burden of the kiddos and families we get to serve over there.  Pray for safety among the team.  Pray for all logistical things to fall directly in line with where they should be.  Pray for health and that our tummies can easily handle the food that will be different to us.  Pray for energy, perseverance, and stamina.  Pray for peace for our families back at home.  Pray that God’s Word and His love would be so evident in all we do that the children and families we are serving won’t be able to miss it and that they will feel the Love of God deep within their hearts!