Pulled.

Pulled. I feel pulled in multiple emotional directions right now. I've had a lot of things on my mind to blog about, but everytime I start one, my mind drifts to something else that I want to blog about. So bear with me if this post seems reeeeeeally random, because... well... it probably will be.

- Today there is a funeral here at church. A young man whose father is VERY involved at our church passed away last week, suddenly. I'm not sure on the details, don't need to be, but it is very heart wrenching. I walked by the Worship Center a bit ago and saw the casket with the young gentleman there, with his dad sitting by him, holding his hand. My heart ACHED. I cannot imagine losing a child, at ANY age. My prayers are with the family at this time, for peace, comfort, and feeling the presence of the Lord.

-This past weekend we were able to go down to Stewartville where Jeremiah's brother, sister-in-law and our nieces live. We got to go down to celebrate Hannah and Emily making the choice to be baptized. What a JOYOUS day that was! Ironically (considering the last paragraph), their church is called New Life Church. It was a beautiful morning full of new life in Jesus, celebrated by 4 beautiful, Jesus-loving gals. I cried through the entire service. It was small and intimate and lovely and spirit-filled and overwhelming and blessed. I love our church home and our church family, but it was incredible to be in a small congregation (that was mostly our relative family), worshiping with them. To celebrate the decision that our nieces made to follow Jesus all of their days and to commit that before friends and family made my heart burst with joy.

-The arm. Aphia's arm. Oy. Long story. Broken arm, health insurance not kicked in until June 1st. Still making the choice to choose quality care for her and feeling good about that decision. Praising God for a "minor" break (if a break can be minor) and for a WATERROOF cast. Man, even though it costs more it is SO worth it to get a waterproof cast for a kid. I cannot stress that enough. Knowing that God always provides manna for us, daily bread. Just what we need for today, no more, no less. Praying about being content with that and feeling loved that we are so very cared for by Him.

-Misophonia. Miso coming from the greek "to hate" and phonia coming from the greek "sound"- literally translates to "hatred of sounds." I am diagnosable ;) I'm not just nuts. I saw a segment about this on the show 20/20 last Friday night. I called my mom immediately and told her to watch. She and I agreed whole-heartedly that this describes me, to a degree.
This is what Wikipedia had to say about it:
Symptoms: People who have misophonia are most commonly annoyed, or even enraged, by such ordinary sounds as other people eating, breathing, or coughing; certain consonants; or repetitive sounds. People with misophonia may be diagnosed with mood or anxiety disorders as well as obsessive-compulsive disorder. Though a few sufferers are bothered by sounds they make themselves, most are not. The reactions are completely involuntary. People who have misophonia may also be annoyed by other people's repetitive movements, such as leg-tapping, nail-biting, the rising and falling of the belly, and typing. Sensitivity to these sounds tends to be exacerbated by stress, hunger, or fatigue. The onset of the symptoms appears to have a characteristic pattern, often in childhood just prior to or during puberty. Often there is a single initial trigger (such as a parent's or sibling's noises), after which the triggers expand over time to include both auditory or visual elements. It is speculated that there is a genetic basis for this disorder as the etiological data supports a similar pattern of emergence, but this remains to be determined.
Coping Methods & Treatment: People with misophonia use various coping methods. Most will simply avoid the offending sound by leaving the area altogether, while some will try to block it with earplugs or music. Intense anxiety and avoidant behavior may develop. Some people may feel the compulsion to mimic what they hear. In more extreme cases, sufferers will not socialise for fear of hearing the sounds. It is important to note that sensitivity to the offending sounds is often far more severe when the origin of the sound comes from a person emotionally connected to the sufferer.

Now, I wouldn't say I'm an extreme case of this, but I'm a case that's for sure! It completely explains the fact that I completely failed a Social Studies test in 9th grade because I couldn't read the questions because the girl behind me was chewing and snapping her gum. I thought my head was going to explode and it took everything in me to not turn around and slam her head into her desk. I know that sounds EXTREMELY PSYCHO a little over the top maybe, but that was my brain. I'm grateful that I never did hurt her :)

I knew and know that everyone has pet peeves. I get that. I just thought that mine were really bad and it was just my thorn to bear. And to an extent that's the truth. There's not much one can do about this. I find it interesting when it says that "some people may feel the compulsion to mimic what they hear." I TOTALLY DO THAT! If Jeremiah wants to eat chips while we're watching a movie, it's all good. All I have to do is eat a chip at the exact same time as him, then my own crunching drowns out his and I'm good. I may be completely focused on him and not the movie, but oh well. If someone is chewing gum, all I have to do is pop a piece in my mouth and chew it louder (and I may, just may, chew it really obnoxiously because I'm so annoyed). If someone is tapping their foot, I just tap mine bigger and louder for a few seconds and then I feel better! It's like I just had to "get that out."

I don't feel quite so bad that I literally wanted to punch my brothers in the face all the time, when I was a teenager. It's a medical condition you know. ;) Ok for real. I'm not going to use that as a crutch or anything. It just helps me to recognize that I'm not competely alone, psycho, violent, and that I'm an island of crazy weirdoness.

-D.R. We've been doing the Dave Ramsey, Finanical Peace University class at church for the past 13 weeks. It's amazing. We "graduated" last night. I highly recommend it to anyone at any stage of life, but especially to anyone who is post-high school or newly engaged/married. I feel like it's stuff we all "know" but it gives you the solid, practical tools to put into place in attaining complete financial peace. Do Jeremiah and I have that yet? Not completely, but we will. Of that I'm certain. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. And it's probably one of the only ones I'll run (besides marriage and parenting) that I'll run in my life.

-Garage Sale. I'm having a garage sale with three amazing friends this week. That's a whole lot of work. But hey, it comes at just the right time, when we're about to receive a bill from a certain little girls bright pink cast! Daily bread... He always provides and I love that.

-VBS. It's coming! I love it! I'm overjoyed to be in the position I am and be able to direct a week of pre-school Vacation Bible School! Jeremiah is taking the week off from work again to teach. This year I'm much more prepared than last year and I'm looking forward to being able to spend our afternoons and evenings together as a family on our VBS Staycation.

-My parents. For 13 weeks, they've been attending the Dave Ramsey class with us. For 13 weeks they have come out to our house before class to spend time with me and the kiddos and they always bring us dinner. Have I ever told you how good of a cook my dad is? Well HE IS. What a blessing having time with them each week has been. W.O.W. I'm so grateful for my relationship with them and the love they give to my kids and to me! I'm one fortunate daughter!!

-Babies! I'm so excited for all the babies that are going to be born in the next few months. I get to be a new auntie to my brother and sister-in-law!! But I'm also in thought over friends that have struggled to be mommies and have lost babies along the way. It's a pulled kind of feeling in my heart and head.

And I think that's about all for now. I think I got a lot of it out there. Those are my ramblings for today. I'll leave you with a special benediction: "May the Lord lift up your life!" to which you respond with, "And up yours also!" Bwaaa Ha Ha!!! Peace out.

First, Second, Third, Raspberry Turd

My name is Janine and I am a stereotype. They're all there for a reason (stereotypes) and I am one of them. People always say, and believe me I was probably the LOUDEST of them all, that the younger kids in families always get off so easy. Life is peaches and cream for them. Life is so unfair for the oldest and the youngests just slide by, getting everything and getting away with everything. "They" say that parents are tired, which is true to an extent, but I do find that when it matters I still discipline my youngest when he needs to be. I might just find that it's not quite as often as the other two needed it. Shhhh.

Well it's true. It's true in our family as it's true in most. The third, the youngest, gets away with everything! Why? Because we cotton-pickin' laugh at everything he does because he has learned SO much more at a MUCH earlier age than the other two ever did.

What do we laugh at? We laugh at our two year old saying, "Daddy, I kicked da monster in da nuts!" We laugh when he says to his older brother, "Come on you Doink!" Or when he says, "Mommy, put my shoes in da dishwasher cuz I peed in dem." Or when he says to me, "Mommy I will have a brownie," to which I reply, "No, no more brownies for you," and the next thing I know he has climbed up and is sitting on the counter eating the brownies straight from the pan. Or when he says, "3...2...1... Bus Stop!!!" (instead of 321 blast off- get it?) Or when he says, "Mommy you have a penis?" Or when I asked him where my friend's baby was and he said, "In da uterus." I laugh when he quotes movies like "Dennis the Menace" and walks around randomly saying, "She's ugly! She's ugly! She doesn't share!" Or finally when I hear him say (with my back to him) "Oh Mommy, that's tasty," and I turn around to see him scooping straight-up sugar from the bowl and eating it.

I shake my head because #1 would have never done or said these things. I laugh because that's what stereotypical Mothers of third borns do- they laugh. That's why the baby is always the comedian. That's why the baby always gets away with stuff. And here I am, admitting my faults to the world, because that's what I do.

I ain't perfect and never claimed to be. I am forever changing. I am forever learning. I am forever eating humble pie. But truth be told- it's my favorite kind of pie to eat if I get to eat it while laughing my way through life with my family!

San Diego 2012

Woot!

We're back from a great little vacay to San Diego. Jeremiah's little sis got married to a great guy and we headed out there to share in the celebration!

Becca and Ryan were (are) a beautiful couple and I'm so grateful to have been able to share in the beautiful day! I was blessed to be able to take much of the wedding photos and here's a sneak peek.

We started the day off with a brunch at 10:00 a.m. with immediate family and several close friends. We were able to share, toast or roast the happy couple. Most people shared a word or two... or lots more! It was really fun, funny, touching, emotional to listen to waht the people who mean the most to Becca and Ryan had to say.

Here are Becca and Ryan when they first saw each other at the pre-wedding brunch.

Listening to some warm words from a loved one to the almost-newlyweds.

Watching her Mama get into her beautiful dress and ready for the wedding!

And here she is!

Addi and Becca- two gorgeous ladies!

Introducing the Man of the Hour!

Mr. & Mrs. Erickson

Bex and her bros

Becca with "Candy" and "Princess"

Pictures by the harbor

Like I said, the wedding was gorgeous! What a delightful, joyful, cheerful day full of happiness. It was a day that I believe was truly smiled upon by God!

The next two days we got to relax and enjoy some sunny weather- aaaahhhhh....

We layed by the pool, read, napped, sat in the hot tub, ate leftovers from the pre-wedding brunch (my favorite leftovers in the world... crab legs, jumbo shrimp, smoked salmon... mmmm....), went down to Mission Beach and walked along the surf and out onto the pier, went up to La Jolla for dinner and a movie. Our time together was SO nice. But it was really nice to get back home to the kiddos. 5 days away from them is really my limit. What a blessing the entire 5 days was though. Every so often, I would look around and just revel in my thankful and gratefulness to the Lord. I cannot be thankful enough for times like this, with amazing family, beautiful accomodations, blissful weather, and time alone with my man!

Like I said to them tonight, Thanks to Becca and Ryan for getting married so we could go to San Diego for a wedding and a vacation! :)

Back from Copper!

Tuesday January 10, 2012- 50 degrees? Yes, please! I loveloveloved winter before I became a mom. When I had to bundle everyone up, dreaded going into and out of stores, and had snow dragged into my house everytime the door opened, my love for winter came to a screeching halt. This winter? I'm diggin' this winter. I could handle this!

Anywho! We're back from Colorado where we spent a week with JJ's family, skiing, relaxing, eating, hot tubbing, watching movies, reading and visiting together.

A few things I learned on our trip and then the pictures!
1. I really enjoy driving in the quiet and dark of the night or very early morning. I especially like when I can set my cruise at 75 mph, drive super straight and flat through Nebraska and not turn the cruise off for over 2.5 hours. Me likey.
2. I like curves that go to the right as opposed to curves that go to the left.
3. I like when people turn off their highbeams when they are approaching me.
4. I feel bad that I often forget to do the latter. (What can I say? I grew up in the suburbs! We didn't use our brights on highways... only on neighborhood streets)
5. I do not like straight line winds and sleet while driving through Nebraska.
6. I like powdery ski hills, not ones that don't have much snow, have rocks showing, and are icy.
7. I LOVE sitting in the hot tub overlooking mountains and beautiful little villages below.
8. Being willing to "Tebow" in the hot tub for another group that was doing a scavanger hunt will earn you a bottle of wine.
9. My eldest son is very sweetly sensitive. When his cousins were complaining about him coughing in the night he left the room and went and slept under the stairs with only his pillow and nigh-night (blankie).
10. My daughter is occasionally more concerned about if she looks cute on the hill as opposed to how she'll do on the hill.
11. My son rarely lacks for confidence. He told me this on the 4th day of skiing, "Mom, this vacation is going so fast! Just like 10 seconds ago, I didn't know how to ski. And now... I'm a GREAT skiier!"
12. I love my family and the blessings that they are to me!!

Here we all are in the living room of the house we stayed in on Copper Mountain.

The view from our deck.
We ate like kings! This meal brought to us by Ryan and Becca

My father-in-law and his "out-laws!"

The skiing cousins!

The two littlest cousins stayed back home.

Not ready for the slopes just yet.

Our skiing family

The littlest Kruger Boy at home with Grama and Grampa

I wanted to get a nice picture of the two children... I got these pictures instead.

And finally this one :)

Heading up the hill with my little man

Daddy and Beeba ready to head down the hill

The four of us on a beautiful, sunny day on Copper Mt!

And there you have it folks! It was a fun, busy, relaxing, amazing vacation. We are so grateful to have been able to go on such a trip! There were several times when I would look at the beauty that was all around me and seriously say to myself, "Wow... This is my life?! Really!? Wow. Just wow. Thank you Lord! Thank you."

Was Jack Adopted?

I recently had a conversation with Jonah that I was completely unprepared for. I wasn't ready to talk about this and thankfully... I didn't have to.

Jonah's best friend, since he was 18 months old, is Jack. Jonah and Jack play together beautifully and work together really well also. One time Jonah told me that when they each want to play something different at recess (since they ALWAYS play with each other at recess) they each get to pick one thing they like that the other wants to play and then they combine the two ideas and play that. For two first graders? Brilliant. See what I said they are BEST BUDS.

So the other day when Jonah asked me if Jack was adopted, I wasn't prepared for the conversation. It went something like this:

Jonah: Mom, was Jack adopted?

Me: No.

Jonah: I think he was.

Me: No, Jonah, he wasn't. Why do you think that?

Jonah: Because Jack has brown eyes.

Me: Yes, I know. So do Megan and Jonas. (Jack's older sister and younger brother)

Jonah: So then they were all adopted because they all have brown eyes.

Me: No, Jonah. They weren't. Jeremy (their dad) has brown eyes.

Jonah: I know, but Becky (their mom) doesn't. She has blue eyes and you can't have a kid with brown eyes if you have blue eyes.

Me: Yes, you can if one of the parents has brown eyes.

Jonah: Yeah, but it has to be the mom because the baby comes from the mom. What does the dad have to do with it? Why does it matter if the dad has brown eyes?

Me, in my head, thinking: Oh crap, I didn't know that this conversation was going that direction. Not prepared! Not prepared! Retreat! Retreat! Not going to talk about the facts-of-life yet with my seven year old!!!

I decided to meet him where he was at, at this point. He's very black & white, analytical, methodical, and really loves to learn things.

So I talked about genetics. I said, "Well when God puts a baby in a mommy's tummy He takes the genetics, which are the characteristics each person has, like eye color, skin color, height, face shape, stuff like that, from both the mommy and the daddy and blends them all together and combines them in the baby. That's why you look so much like daddy!"

That was a satisfactory answer to him- THANK GOD!

I'm still looking back at it and how caught-off-guard I was. I was just NOT seeing the curve in that road we were traveling down. But, thankfully, crisis averted!

Now, don't get me wrong- Youth Director by trade- I will be talking to my children about sex and all that jazz very openly and honestly, just as I did with my youth group kids. I was very open about it all with my younger siblings too. I was honest, but held my standards high. I will do the same for my children. WHEN. THE. TIME. IS. RIGHT. And that time was not last week. Whew.

Not Ok...

I have had lots of things swirling around in my head to blog about for a while now. None of them have come to fruition- obviously. But the past few days these words have been coming up a lot lately with Jeremiah and I... "We're not ok."

Let me back up. About a year ago, we really were NOT ok, not at all. Life had caught up with us and was trying to defeat us. We realized that for several years "change" was the name of the game in our lives. Now there was nothing on the horizon that was going to change and we had to figure out how to live normally with each other instead of in the mode of change. We had previously always been ready to engage in another adventure like having a child, stopping a job, starting a new job, moving homes, having another child, another job change, another child, etc.

We decided to talk with a counselor (gulp- did I just tell that to the blog world?) and it was a great decision. I was very reassured after our first visit with him when he said, "Most couples I deal with already have one OR two feet out the door. The fact that you two are not in that position and are wanting to work on your marriage before it gets close to that is a very positive sign."

One of the things that he told us was to have the attitude that "We're not ok," because the moment that you think you ARE ok and that things are good, you let yourself slide. With that mindset you stop working on your marriage and start focusing inward. It's like the alcoholic who thinks s/he is doing ok and will be just fine to have one drink. As we all know, this would not be ok. Marriage is the same. As soon as you think "We're fine," that's the moment you start to NOT be ok.

We've been applying what we've learned from our counselor for several months now. In all honesty, it was actually a few months after our last visit that things actually started to really turn around. I really had to take "letting go of control" to a whole new level and Jeremiah had to take "stepping it up" to a whole new level.

Jeremiah mentioned the other day that we weren't ok and it kind of took me off guard... This is usually MY point of view ;) But then he reminded of me what Dr. A had said and I was delightfully appreciative of his perspective. He is proving to take our counselors words to heart and apply them in our marriage and family.

I always hesitate to write or say stuff like this because I have that feeling that the other shoe will then drop shortly thereafter. This time I'm choosing to name and claim it baby! And all the while, I'll continue praying that no other shoes ever drop :) But if they do, we'll make it. Neither of us is leaving and we're in this for the long haul.

My Grama's Kitchen

Yesterday in CBS (Community Bible Study) it was a brunch morning. Every now and then a few people sign up to bring food and we enjoy a time of chatting and digging into a scrumptious breakfast before digging into our study. We usually have a "question" to discuss while eating and this morning was no different. Our topic to discuss was, "Your Grandmother's Kitchen."

I listened to many of the ladies in our group (who are... how shall we say it... slightly more aged than me. I'm the youngest one in the group. The majority are retired.) talk about their grandmother's old farmhouses with wood burning stoves that they used to bake amazing pies, casseroles and heat the house. They rolled out dough on their wooden counter tops ("Nothing like this fancy granite and formica" as one gal put it) while they donned their aprons, multitasking in baking, washing the floor, milking the cow, feeding the children and the men when they came in from the field, while they managed to quote Scripture to their grandchildren.

As I thought about how I would answer this question, I had to chuckle to myself. Those things were NOT NOT NOT my Grama (Yep, she was my "Grama" not "Grandma"). As I thought about it, I realized that I had an extreme fondness of my Grama's kitchen. It wasn't typical, but she wasn't your typical Grama either.

When you walked into Grama's kitchen there was a table straight ahead of you, it was pushed all the way up against two walls, leaving only two sides to sit at. But no matter, it was only her living in the house. At the table you could find her Caboodle loaded to the brim, but very organized, with makeup. There was a round mirrior with a tube light around it that could be flipped over for a magnifying mirror on the other side. There was a curling iron or two, some hot rollers maybe and any other beautifying items that a woman might need. Her bathroom was small, so she was practical. Don't use the kitchen table for eating much since you live alone? Make it into your vanity!

To the right was her refrigerator, which I don't remember much about except that she had a Tupperware container for pickles that was always fully stocked just for me. She also must have eaten a lot of things with cheese on them because she always had little jars of spreadable cheese. We were always the recipients of said little jars after the cheese was gone, they were perfect juice cups for kids! Next to the fridge there was an oven. I don't know if she ever actually used the oven... it was the "cabinet" for her Ruffles chips.

Across the room (like 2 feet) was her great big sink, that was like a double wide with no separator. We took baths in there for years and years! Next to the sink was a counter with two large cabinets overhead. I don't recall her ever using the counter to prepare food. What was it used for? Why to wrap presents for other people of course! I used to sit atop the counter and I always got to put the tape on the presents being wrapped. I always wanted to put the tape parallel with the edge of the wrapping, but Grama insisted that I do it perpendicular and she used such long pieces. I never understood this and still don't. But then again, I have an obsession with tape. My mom would never let me use her tape, probably because I would use it all for my "projects." I would often sneak into our kitchen and pull off a LOOOOOOONG strip of tape, run to my room and stick it on the back wall of my closet, so that if I asked for tape and she said no, then I could just go to my stash. Weird. Anywho, I digress. Back to Grama's.

In the cabinets above the counter top, what else would you find in there, but oodles and oodles (those are the words she would have used) of checkbook boxes, old margarine containers, and Byerly's to-go containers filled with what else? Jewelry!! Lots and LOTS of costume jewelry. I think she single handedly kept Joyce, her Avon lady in business. She had jewelry for EVERY occasion. I kid you not, she even had a ring that said "VOTE" which I believe my mom now has and definitely wears on Election day. She had more earrings, necklaces, broaches, & rings in every color, genre, style and size than you could ever imagine.

Two other things I remember being in that cabinet were nailpolish remover in those little jars that had the sponge right in them, so all you had to do was stick your finger in and move it around, up and down and the nail polish came off. And also she must have worn a lot of panty hose because she kept all the cardstock type paper that panty hose were wrapped around, as paper for us to write notes on or color on. Jeremiah's Grandma was a teacher and thus always had tons of construction paper (which I actually inherited) for them... nope not my Grama! Panty hose paper!

It's fun, thinking back on these times, my atypical experiences with my Grama in her kitchen. Experiences of which the ladies of Bible study laughed and laughed at! It was so fun to recall my Grama and the "quirks" she had. It wasn't your normal Grandmother's kitchen, but it was my Grama's kitchen. We spent hours in there, trying on jewelry, fixing our nails, and wrapping presents. My Grama was most definitely a gifts girl. She had gifts for all of her children and grandchildren for years on out, up in her attic. She loved to buy for other people. When she got older and had less and less money and more and more grandchildren, she used to give us each a two dollar bill for Christmas. She always lamented how she wanted to give us more, but I didn't care. I still have all of those two dollar bills.

Good memories of time together, no matter what they are, are important. Creating those times together, laughing, talking, visiting and just being are crucial.

I'm grateful for the Grandparents my children have. They are so very blessed. As I write this, Jonah is at Grandparents day with Grandma Judy. Tomorrow Aphia gets to go to Grandpa Rob and Grandma Bonnie's to spend time with them and her best cousin Addi. My dad gifts the younger children with his time every Tuesday while I go to work. My mom came out to our house just before their 2 week long vacation to hang out with the kids for a couple hours because she wasn't going to see them for 2 weeks (I wouldn't mind not seeing them for 2 weeks sometimes!!!!).

Thank you Grama, for the love you gave, for the time you devoted, for the laughs we had until we cried, for putting up with my brattiness when it was shining through, for being the first one to open up your arms and hold me the day my best friend's dad died, for sharing our Christmas mornings with us in your red Christmas robe, for letting me play dress up with all your dresses, jewelry, shoes, purses, hats, gloves, scarves, and fur wraps, for the pickles, for always being the first to arrive at our birthday parties. I love you and miss you terribly. I wish my kids knew you. Aphia and her girly ways are (I know!!!) making you one proud Great Grama up in heaven. I love you.