Today...

Today…

Today I was slotted to wedding dress shop with my sister.

Today my sister is sick and we did not wedding dress shop.

Today I took Phia on a mommy/daughter date to get our nails done and then went shopping.  We went real shopping, like not at a thrift store or a quick run through Target.  This is a first for us.  It was so fun!  We hit up Old Navy, Colombia, Mrs. Field’s and Bath and Body Works- good times for us girls.

Today was a great day for a great 3 mile walk with a great BFF. 

Today I spent a good amount of time on Pinterest which hasn’t happened in a long time.

Today I want to start a thousand projects around the house (probably because of the time spent on pinterest), but cannot guarantee that I will finish any of them, so I will start none. 

Today I am thinking about someone close to me who had a miscarriage. 

Today I am thinking about the many moms I know who have lost little ones, whether in utero or after. 

Today my heart is so sad for them.

Today I went to the chiropractor.

Today I overheard to people at the chiropractor talking about the scoliosis they had and how it is being corrected.

Today I had hope, seeing as the 12 degree curvature I thought I had, is actually a 39 degree curvature.  Hmm. Who knew?!

Today I heard of a bunch of people taking down their Christmas tree.

Today I thought, “I could NEVER take down my tree before January,” and I never will.

Today I looked at my “Ethiopia clock” (the one that sits just above my oven clock and has Ethiopian time on it from when I was there, so that JJ & kids would know what time it was for Mom- props to JJ on that idea! And P.S. it’s not ever coming down) and wondered what my Roza was doing. 

Today my kids have been really good, playing in and outside. 

Today JJ is sick and I really wish I had more innate compassion for him when he is sick. 

Today I am wondering questions like, “Why did I get to be born after Christ was born and died and didn’t live in the time of ‘the law’?”  “Why was I born in the U.S.A. and not in some war torn or very impoverished country?”  “Why do I get to experience things like pedicures and shopping with my daughter?” “How can I be more conscious of others who don’t ever get the luxury of these things?”  “What is next for me in this journey?” 

Today has been a fantastic Saturday.

You know you've been in Ethiopia for a long time when...

1. It doesn’t surprise you to see a horse standing on the median in the middle of the road all by itself.
2. You don’t gasp or scream when you come within a ½ inch from hitting another vehicle (or even just nick their mirror with yours).
3. You don’t gasp or scream when you come within a ½ inch or less from hitting a person walking across the road or maybe even bump into them.
4. The word “ahmesugenalew” rolls off your tongue like it ain’t no thang. 
5. You question your coffee if it isn’t as black as the tunnels of the churches of Lalibela. 
6. When someone says something to you, you raise your eyebrows and give a little inhale as your response. 
7. You are a pro at squatting over a hole in a cement slab to do your duty. 
8. You can “Double Double, This This” with the best of ‘em at Kind Hearts!
9. You haggle with the shop owner over the price of a necklace- 30 birr vs. 40 birr and win!
10. You know that the goats on the side of the road with a hot pink stripe on them are ready for market.
11. You hardly realize that the kids playing with your arm hair have been doing so for the last 30 minutes.
12. Your table mate at dinner (MMM) says he wants to sponsor the waitress because she’s cute.
13. You immediately sanitize your hands after handling money.
14. You start saying, “sprechen Sie Deutch?” so the peddlers will stop trying to sell you stuff. 
15. You see a goat being slaughtered and instead of being grossed out, you’re excited that the kids get to eat such an amazing meal. 
16. The van you’re riding in is frequently driving head on with another vehicle, but you never crash.
17. After you’re done doing your duty, without giving it a second thought, you throw away your toilet paper in the trash can instead of flushing it because “that’s just how it is with Ethiopian plumbing.”
18. You realize when you are home that some of these things, crazy as they are, are very near and dear to your heart and you wouldn't exchange the experience for anything! 

Sweet Baby Girl

Fingers sit still.  Mind whirling.  Heart breaking.  Body frozen.  Emotions paralyzed.  Eyes red.  Nose running.  Prayers spoken.  Prayers screamed.  Prayers pleading.  Prayers whispered.  Prayers uttered.  Prayers silent.  Prayers desperate for the Lord.  

 

Last Saturday I went to an engagement party for a long-time friend.  It was a family party, so we were all invited, but my brood could not come and I went alone.  Another sweet friend also came sans hubby because he was working, but she was with her two daughters, ages 3 and 1.  When she came in I put out my hands to the one year old so Mama could run back to the car for a few things.  Handing her over, she said, “She’ll probably cry, but will be fine when I’m out of sight.”  I smiled at this sweet girl in my arms and she didn’t utter a peep. She looked at me and we went to sit down and play.  She was enthralled with the other kids at the party and the teeny puppy that was also in attendance.  She sat with me for about 20 minutes, watching and smiling; soaking it all in.  Little did I know, this would be the last time this sweet face would smile at me.  Little did I know, this would be the last time that I would hold her.  Little did I know that the original heartache I felt at not having my own children with me was a blessing in that I was able to sit with this sweet one, stroking her hair, playing with the soft curls, playing with the puppy, laughing at what the other kids were doing because this would be the last time I would do those things with her.

Sweet little Hannah passed away on Wednesday morning.  Her Mama went into her room and found her unresponsive.  Her Daddy did CPR on her right away and they called 911, but it was too late.  She had had pneumonia a couple weeks ago, had been on the upswing, but then got sick again Tuesday night. She slipped from this world into Heaven peacefully in her sleep around midnight, the medical examiner said. 

I raced to the hospital to be with my friend and what I watched was one of the most difficult, heart wrenching things I’ve ever, ever seen.  In the ER, Hannah laid in her mama’s arms while the nurses & social workers painted and inked little Hannah’s hands for handprints.  Her Daddy sat next to them holding her Mama.  It was very quiet.  I watched my dear friend take a washcloth and wipe the paint from Hannah’s precious little hand. The sight of this was almost enough to completely break me.  This little hand that should be having the finger paints washed from it. This hand that should be having the sand from the beach washed from it.  This hand that should be having the play-doh washed from it.  This hand that should be having the brownies washed from it.  This hand that should be having the makeup that she was trying to put on her-big-girl-self washed from it.  Her mama kissed her hand and laid it down, having washed it for the last time.  Her mama whispered sweet words to her and they continued to love her.

 

These have been some of the most horrid and awful days that I can recount.  I can barely complete a thought in my head.  This hurts so deeply, down in the depths of my heart, that I find it almost impossible to breathe at times.  If my heart feels this way, I can’t even imagine what my dear friend’s feels like. 

 

No matter who we are, we find ourselves asking the question “Why?”  There is no good answer to the question “Why? Why God? Why?”  The only answer is, “I don’t know,” and that’s ok.  We want answers because we think it will make us feel better, but it really won’t.  There is no way we can ever feel better about the loss of a dear, sweet babe.  The only way that we will ever again see light, is through the light of Christ.  Our Heavenly Father is the source of comfort from pain.  The source of peace from calamity.  The source of knowledge during uncertainty.  The source of guidance in the dark.  The source of joy from the despair.  But right now pain, calamity, uncertainty, darkness and despair are what are present at the forefront of our sight.  Right now it’s almost impossible to see beyond those things.  And that’s ok.  It’s ok to live in that world right now. 

 

But here’s the thing.  It won’t be like this forever.  There is hope in Jesus Christ.  Jesus himself said, “I have told you these things, so that IN ME you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  (John 16:33)  In Jesus we can find peace.  Without Him, the search for peace will be a losing battle.  My prayers for my friends, for our families, and for all of us is that we will seek the face of Jesus in this time.  As a parent, when something is going on and I want to get the attention of my child and when I need them to focus on me in a time of unsettledness I say to them, “Look at Mommy.  Look at my eyes.”  When they look at my eyes and keep focused on my eyes, they are able to listen in an attentive way so that what I’m saying will sink in.  When they keep their eyes on me, together we find calm amidst the chaos.  This is just as it is with sweet Jesus.  He says to us in this dark hour, “Look at me.  Look at my eyes.”  We need look nowhere else but the eyes of Christ.  And in the eyes of Christ, we will one day find true peace again. 

Why?

Why are you going?

This question has been posed of me, in reference to my upcoming mission trip to Ethiopia, a few times in the past couple weeks.  This question, “Why are you going?” is a very different question than, “What are you going there to do?”  While I surely know what our team is going there to do and what I am specifically going to do, the big question of WHY behind the trip is still a bit of a mystery to me. 

Let’s take a step back and look at the big picture here kids.

I am the wife to one husband, a mother to three children, an Elementary Ministry Director to a couple hundred children, and a housekeeper to one house among all the other hats I get to put on in a given day.  In the midst of my life and especially in my head is normally pandemonium.  I’ve worked VERY hard to bring structure, balance, prioritizing and calmness into our home this fall.  That, in and of itself, brings stress!  Trying to bring peace, brings stress!  Giminy Crickets! How twisted is that?!  But I’m sure several of you are laughing at me at this point because of one true fact.  I. CANNOT. BRING. PEACE. Just not attainable.  True peace can only be given by the Lord.  And so in the midst of this revamping of our family life this year there have been many successes and many failures.  Oh boy… I’m really getting off on a tangent here and this is not going in the direction I was originally thinking.  Let’s get back on track, maybe I’ll come back to those thoughts later.  You’re probably thinking, what kind of a writer are you?!  Well, a jumpy one I guess!

On track, READY! GO!  Ok, so I wear a lot of hats.  This is true.  Now I’m going to add “missionary” (or maybe we should say, “Global Project Partner” to be politically correct here) to that pile?  Really Lord?  I know that, “Really Lord?!  Africa?!” is a question that was asked by some people close to me and I know that it’s because they love me and my family.  Back to that whole, wife, mother, job, home thing…  Shouldn’t I just stay put and manage what I have?  Shouldn’t I be focusing on my own children, rather than taking a 15 hour flight to focus on other children?  Shouldn’t I be creating lessons for the Sunday School kids at my home church (for my job!), rather than creating lessons for kids in Africa?  Shouldn’t I be putting time and effort into my marriage with my best friend rather than building relationships with others half way around the globe?  Shouldn’t I?  Shouldn’t I?

Maybe.  Maybe I should be.  But that maybe is only what the world thinks.  This journey across the globe has been nothing but peaceful.  As I told my mother-in-law about going, “I can’t even say this feels right. It IS right.”  I know, that beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God has called me to do this, has called me to GO.  I may not know why He has called me to do this, but I know He has and that’s all I need to know for now.  God is sovereign, His timing is impeccable, His plan is perfect and His love & mercy are immeasurable.  Those are great things and I’m going to cling to those truths. 

And it just got really real

I’m a leavin’ on a jet plane… Sing it with me now!  However, I DO know when I’ll be back again (Lord willing of course).  I took a huge leap of faith yesterday and actually bought my airline tickets for…
 

ETHIOPIA!  Whaaaaaa????  Not the hugest tourist and vacation destination, I know.  Let me back up a bit for you.  I’ll go all the way back to the beginning.

 

Several months back, I can’t even pinpoint an exact time, there were many things in my life that kept pointing to one word.  The word kept popping up and I wasn’t sure why or what I was supposed to do with it.  The word was “Africa.”  For a long time I thought about it and (to be honest) prayed only a little about it.  But “Africa” kept coming up and stirring in my heart.  I let it sit there and simmer for quite a while as I know God wasn’t ready to let me know why He was bringing it up yet. 

In April of this year our church hosted it’s first “Chosen” Sunday where we focused on those in need.  The priority was placed on any person in need from our own church family, to the Buffalo community, and to the entire world.  We had people come to represent the different organizations they worked & volunteered for such as our local Crisis Nursery, Compassion International, the Buffalo Food Shelf and Children’s HopeChest.  We also heard testimonies and personal stories from people in our congregation who have been foster parents, child sponsors, and from others who have adopted children of their own.

As I listened to one gal, Karen, talk about her experience with adopting their two sons from Ethiopia and also about the organization that she works with, something grabbed hold of my heart.  The impulsive part of me wanted to jump up and run to the nearest adoption agency and say, “I want to adopt a child who needs a Daddy & Mommy!  Right now!”  But I knew that that wasn’t God’s plan for us and that I needed to just pray and wait until God let me know what He wanted me to do.  I started really thinking and praying about the next step God wanted us to take as a family and I was pretty sure about what it was.  I needed to talk to Jeremiah about it and so I said, “Honey, I’ve been thinking,” to which he replied with, “Uh oh.”  I smiled and continued, “What do you think about adopting?”  He just stared at me blankly until I felt enough time had gone by for him to feel sufficiently freaked out and said, “Too much?  Ok, well then how about sponsoring a child from Children’s HopeChest in Ethiopia that Karen was talking about a few Sundays ago?”  Children’s HopeChest (CHC) is an organization that our church has been in a growing relationship with for the past couple years.  Jeremiah was on board right away, and was probably relieved that I wasn’t serious about adopting. 

In just a couple short days we were the proud sponsor family to Zekir, a little kindergartener who attends Kind Hearts School in Ethiopia, through CHC.  Our children were excited about “our new buddy Zekir” and were thrilled when we got to go to the store and pick out gifts to send directly to him via one of the mission teams going to Ethiopia a few days later. 

Shortly after all of this I had been praying about what God was doing and what I was supposed to be doing when out of the blue, at a garage sale, my friend Julie said, “Do you want to go to Ethiopia with me in November?”  I kind of just stood there and all I could get out was, “Yes. Maybe.” 

I started praying if THIS was what God was leading me towards.  I talked with Jeremiah and he was fully on board if this is what God was asking of me.  I talked with Karen and got my name on the waiting list (waiting list for a mission trip… what a FABULOUS problem to have!).  I just prayed that God would reveal the plan and let me know how to be obedient.  I was, surprisingly, very patient in waiting for Him to give me the answer and on June 27^th He said, “Go.”  And so here I am, planning to be a part of a mission team to Ethiopia in November, 2013.  While there, we will work with the children at two of the care-points that CHC has- Kind Hearts & Trees of Glory Schools.  Each of these care-points serves to educate, feed, clothe, provide medical care and clean water, and come along side families (if the children have one) in raising up children in this very poverty stricken region.  I will have the privilege of working 3 full days at each care-point, teaching and loving the children there, and also get the awesome opportunity to meet Zekir and his family!

From the time I was in ninth grade and went on my first mission trip, service & mission projects have had a special place in my heart.  It hasn’t always seemed logical or felt like it was going to work out in the way that I thought it should.  But I know that God is bigger than my plans.  Whether it is working in Ethiopia, the mountains of West Virginia, the hills of Wyoming, the plains of North Dakota, the inner city in Minneapolis, or in lil’ ol’ Buffalo, God has called me to care for and love those less fortunate in very real and practical ways. 

If you feel so inclined and have a spare minute or two, would you please pray for me and the team that will be traveling November 14-25, 2013 to Ethiopia?  Pray that God would be smooshing and squishing our hearts so that we feel the burden of the kiddos and families we get to serve over there.  Pray for safety among the team.  Pray for all logistical things to fall directly in line with where they should be.  Pray for health and that our tummies can easily handle the food that will be different to us.  Pray for energy, perseverance, and stamina.  Pray for peace for our families back at home.  Pray that God’s Word and His love would be so evident in all we do that the children and families we are serving won’t be able to miss it and that they will feel the Love of God deep within their hearts! 

Earth Shattering Calls from God... Errrr not...

I wrote this awhile ago, but it was in the last MOPS newsletter and it was a good reminder to myself. Especially with summer coming up!  Enjoy! 

It was an amazing weekend filled with amazing women, amazing speakers, and amazing sessions.  To give you a better feel… it was… well… amazing.  The “Hearts at Home” conference had wrapped up and I was filled to the brim.  The Lord had certainly shown up as thousands of moms converged on the Rochester Civic Center for 24 hours of worship, fellowship, eating, chatting, learning, shopping and growing.  We heard incredible words of encouragement from Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, we laughed until we had tears streaming down our faces from listening to a hysterical improv trio.  The Lord was blessing us in immeasurable ways, allowing us to be filled with His Glory!

The following week as I was looking back on this high experience I had so many ideas and thoughts floating in my head that I didn’t know how to begin to process.  Being a note taker I thought that my first line of duty would be to spend some time reading through and re-copying my notes, in fun colors and nicer handwriting for easy access of future reference of course!  Side note on that… As I’m writing this, I went to go grab my notes to look them over, only to realize that I really have NO CLUE where I put them.  Awesome.  Anyways.  I had re-written my notes and had about 4,936 things that I was going to put into action as a Christ-follower, a wife, a mother, a Children’s Ministry worker, a friend, and as a homemaker.  I had gone to sessions about relationships with close friends, listened to speakers talk about organization and learning to “FLY” (Finally Love Yourself), watched as women spoke of heartache and past regrets turned to an intense desire to impress a love for God on their children’s hearts.  I was ready to hit it, head on!  Oh wait… I should probably pray about this.  I have a tendency to bite off a lot to chew, so I figured I should seek the Father’s guidance on this one.  So I sat before Him with these words, “Lord, what an awesome weekend!  You have blessed me with an indescribable weekend and there is so much that I have taken away.  Lord, lead me to the steps that you want me to take in my life that will glorify You.  Help me to listen to Your voice and know the things you want me to do.”  I was armed and ready to be Super Wife, Super Mom, and Super Christian!  I was ready to listen, for He was sure to give me great direction and clarity.  After all, I had just spent a weekend gulping up every sweet word like honey.  And sure enough, the Lord spoke!  And this is what He said, “Clean off your kitchen island countertop.”  Umm. What?! Surely I was just being distracted by things in my house and I was not focusing on His bold words to me.  “Ok Lord, I’m listening,” I prayed.  This time as I felt more focused, He was louder and clearer and He said, “CLEAN OFF YOUR KITCHEN ISLAND COUNTERTOP!”  Oh.  That IS what you said.  Ummmm, ok.  So I set to the task of cleaning off the island.  I made sure I was putting everything away in the spots they needed to go, not just moving junk around.  It was all cleaned off and I approached the throne again.  “Done Lord!  What’s next?”  “Keep it clean,” he said.  “WHAT?!  Do you know that I just went to this incredible conference with nationally known speakers, ONE WHO HAS 19 KIDS NONETHELESS!  I’m ready to take on big things Lord!  Come on, lay it on me!”  Again He said, “Just keep your counter clean.”  Well I rolled with it.  I guess I had to admit that if this was all He wanted me to do for now, then I got off easy! 

After several days of guarding my precious, clean island like an armored soldier, I realized just why the Lord had called me to this task.  After many days I saw just how this island was becoming our meeting grounds.  Each afternoon, my older kids would come home from school, come into the kitchen where I would have a snack waiting for them on the island (previously, they’d just rummage through the pantry to find something to grab) and we would all congregate around chatting over the day, talking about what they had for lunch, what happened at recess, who interrupted the teacher and got in trouble, what people had for show-and-tell, and so on.  God desires for us to reach the hearts of our children for Christ.  Communication (and good snacks!) are a central way to do that.  When they know that we are safe, that they can come to us, when they have open lines of communication with us to talk about whatever it is they need to talk about, then we as parents have the extreme privilege of being the place where faith is caught, rather than only taught.  We can show our real selves to them just as they do with us. 

Our kitchen island is becoming a place of centrality.  It’s becoming a place that I hold dear to my heart as a place where relationships with our family are built.  When God told me to clean off my counter, I was almost offended, like He was disgusted with the cleanliness of my home.  But that wasn’t it at all.  He was giving me the opportunity to capture the hearts of my children for His glory.  And for that, I’ll be eternally grateful for the soul-saving-earth-shattering-mission-driven charge of… cleaning my countertop. ;)  

Branson

Back from Branson! 
It was a great, great trip that was given to us by my mom and dad for Christmas!  My kiddos and I (because Jeremiah didn't have enough vacation time) drove down with my brother Richie & his girlfriend Melissa.  We met my parents there, along with my sister Gina & her boyfriend Chase. 
Some highlights from the trip were:
* Go-karting on a super fun track (that had a 4 level twirly ramp)
* Swimming in the pool everyday!
* Going to Build-a-Bear and the kids getting their own animals
* Eating out at a couple great places with great food
* Spending good time with family (especially Gina & Chase)
* Walking on a beautiful day at Table Rock Lake
* Cake and Cream 50's ice cream shoppe!! 
* Driving up and down the main strip which looks kind of like a family-friendly Vegas strip.  Saw things like "Ripley's Believe it or Not" building that looks like it's cracked in half, the Hollywood Wax museum that has a fake Empire State Building with King Kong on it, The Titanic Museum that looks like the front of the Titanic, driving by "our little country church" which always make the kids giggle because it's really actually huge, driving by The Track go-karting places which has multiple locations and they'd get so excited to see the one we went to. 
* The church we went to on Sunday was a great experience and I'm so proud of my kiddos who sat through the 2 1/2 hour service and did really great. 
* Having cable and getting to introduce my kids to "Full House," my absolute favorite show as a kid and seeing that they equally loved it and wanted to know why it wasn't still on!  :)  Great family values show. 
* The weather was sunny the whole time and really warm and great on Thursday and Friday.
* My kids do really great with road trips and I'm so happy about that.  I keep it fun and fresh.  We had a little "How Close Are We?" indicator: I made a little picture of MN and put it on one side of the van, then tied a string over to the other side where there was a picture of Missouri.  I printed off a picture of a van like ours, put it on the string, and moved it so the kids could see how far we'd traveled and how close we were.  We got lots of library books, a couple library movies, had Roadtrip Bingo, bought a handful of Dollarstore gifts and wrapped them up for the kids to open when they were being really good.  I had "Branson Binders" for them with paper and markers in them to color on and a whiteboard with Scrabble tiles that had magnets for Jonah and Phia to "play" scrabble with. 
I also let them pack a little backpack of stuff they wanted to play with.  They each had their own snack bin with snacks in it.  Whenever they'd ask for a snack, I let them have one from their bin.  I didn't have to go digging for one for them and they were able to have as they pleased :)
* My absolute FAVORITE was going to see "Joseph" (not the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat version).  It was SUCH an amazing musical, beautifully written and performed.  Part of the cool part of this is that I'm reading the book "How to Raise a Modern-Day Joseph" and to see this show that depicts Joseph, his story and his relationship with God put everything into a very cool perspective.

It was a wonderful, wonderful trip and none of us wanted to come home!  That's the sign of a great time! 

When God Doesn't Get the Memo

She pulled me aside and said, "I'm pregnant."  Wide-eyed, I rejoiced with her! This was a surprise and wasn't an expected pregnancy, the other three hadn't come as easily.  She seemed to have an apprehension right off the bat.  Joyful and in awe of God's work, yes she was, but an uneasiness that I couldn't place my finger on. 

A couple weeks later, I placed my finger.  The doctors noticed some abnormalities on the ultrasound and after a few days/weeks of testing, it was determined that their baby girl would have Downs Syndrome.  They embraced this challenge as a blessing and proceeded forward with careful, watchful eyes of the doctors.  Each week went by and we prayed fervently for this baby girl that would join us in February.  I prayed for perfect health for the baby, leaving whatever that looked like, up to God.  But I felt Him say to me to pray for no Downs.  So I proceeded, awkwardly, because I knew that they were embracing this and were ok with it.  I wondered if they'd be upset with me for praying this, but like I said, I believe that God wanted this prayer from me and I have to follow Him first.  I prayed that she would be the picture of health and wellness. 

On the 15th of February she made her debut into our world!  The first night was good, but things slowly slipped downward.  She was very jaundiced, but that issue paled in comparison to being diagnosed with a condition called Transient Abnormal Myelopoiesis. It is only present in some babies with Down Syndrome. It mimics leukemia and can require some of the same treatment.  My mind reeled!  My heart sank!  Leukemia?!  In a 1 day old, 5 pound baby?  How is this even possible?  As if the road wasn't rocky enough with the challenges of Downs Syndrome.  Now chemotherapy would be administered to this teeny baby... I shuddered at the thought. 

I was mad.  I was angry.  I was confused.  I felt neglected.  I felt like my prayers did nothing.  I felt desperate for my friends and their family.  I had prayed for perfect health and felt like God gave her the complete antithesis of health.  Really God?  REALLY?!  Were you listening to me AT ALL? 

I needed to pull up the bootstraps and get over myself.  I needed to pray for these new developments.  One problem.  I was still mad at Him.  I wasn't really on... how shall we say it... speaking terms with the Man Upstairs.  It's like when husband & wife are in a fight.  You know that you need to talk and communicate the issues, but you just need time.  Sometimes you look at the other, knowing that you need to talk it through, but just can't, just not yet.  It was like that.  I would start to pray and just couldn't.  I'd give an irritated sigh and walk away from the conversation, arms folded and pouty faced. 

Exasperated, I said "Ok Lord.  I just need a verse to give to my friend.  I'm going to flip open this book, 'Streams in the Dessert'."  The verse for that date was Mark 11:24, "Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."  Well if that isn't just a nice little mixture of salt and sand in the wound I don't know what is!!!  OUCH.  I felt like I got punched in the gut. Or hit by a Mac truck.  Or slapped across the face by Barney or Marshall on "How I Met Your Mother." Or chopped off at the knees.  Ok, I think you get the picture.  It stung.  Those weren't the words of comfort I was looking for.  Madder than a wet hen, I walked away from the book and said, "That wasn't it Lord, try again."  Thankfully, He obliged.

"Psalm 23," He said.  "Really Lord," I said, "That's pretty generic, everyone uses that verse, it doesn't feel very special."  (Oh my arrogance... God's Word... Not special?  Man am I a jerk)  But it kept coming back to me.  Then I received an email from a friend about this situation and she said, "I just have kept coming back to the mindset that God's character does not change, regardless of the circumstances that He allows to happen. I have been studying the 23rd Psalm and have been so amazed at the idea that we will walk through the darkest valley, but we have nothing to fear, for God is with us. He may not spare us the trip through that valley, but will be our rod and staff, there to comfort us, protect us and reassure us of His presence!  God is exceedingly generous and faithful, even when we are not so inclined!" 

Ok.  Message received.  10-4 Good Buddy.  I remembered a video I had recorded of Aphia last year and thought, "Maybe the Word of God, spoken by a [then] 4 year old are the Words we need to hear."  I listened to this and cried. God's Word is true. God's Word is right.  God's Word is alive.
 

I went back to that verse in Mark that I had read earlier.  I read the rest of the devotional, and it talked about a little boy knowing that his grandma would come through on a promise she made to him. Even while the mother was in doubt of it happening, the grandma was working it out on her own.  The promise came, just as she had said it would, not exactly how the mom and boy had expected, but better.  She came through and the boy was victorious in his faithfulness to grandma.  And so it is with God.  He's working it out, while we are waiting.  It doesn't always go as we expect.  It doesn't always go as we want.  He doesn't promise that we won't walk through the valley (of the shadow of death nonetheless!!).  But He does promise that He will be with us to comfort us and bring us through the valley. 

Through it all He reminded me that He is always there.  He's always listening to me, but just as a good parent, he doesn't always give me what I want.  I can be a whiney, stomping foot, bratty little girl, and He just shrugs and says, "Have your pity party, you know that my promises never fail.  You know that I'm always here.  You know that I'm waiting for you to come on back and be real with me.  I'm not worried about your stubbornness and selfishness, you're my daughter and I'm waiting here with open arms for when you're ready." 

I listened to the words of a Chris Tomlin song as it washed over me in the car on a snowy, windy, dark night,

"Water you turned into wine, opened the eyes of the blind, there's no one like you, none like You!
Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise, there's no one like you none like You!
Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what could stand agains?.
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?
What could stand against?"

 

I felt an unbelievable honor and priviledge to be a child of the most powerful God. A God that is SO big, Master of the Universe, and yet He stands next to me, waiting for me and wanting me to fall into His strong arms so that I don't have to pretend to be strong anymore.

 

 

Tidbits

Hello Blogger... It's been a while huh?  Yeah, sorry 'bout that.  Life, ya know.

I don't have anything big & grand to post today, but a bunch of little & mediocre things.  So if you want to plod through, be my guest  :)

-It's the day before Valentine's Day and the kiddos and I are going to finish up their cards for their friends.  We tried to stay away from giving out candy, but decided on each card getting two Life Savers with the card saying, "Valentine, We are two of a kind!"  The "o's" are the Life Savers. 

-I'm looking forward to our trip down to Branson, MO with my parents & two of my siblings (and their SO's) in less than a month.  I don't think I'm going to make my goal of losing 8 pounds by then. 

-On said trip to Branson, we will be leaving at 3:00 a.m. and I love, love, love driving at this time of the morning when it's dark and quiet.  No music, no radio, just a van full of slumbering people, my thoughts, and my Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha. 

-I am going to be working full time for 8 weeks this spring/summer.  I am excited and dreading this all at the same time.  I'm excited because I love my job and it will be very exciting!  I'm dreading it because it's the beginning of summer and I'll miss that time with my kids.  But at the end of the 8 weeks we are going to FAMILY CAMP!!!!!!!!!  We're going to a camp in northern Wisconsin with friends of ours and I am SO EXCITED!!  I LOVE (I cannot write LOVE big enough here) camp.  I had dreams and visions of owning a camp when I was younger.  We'll be taking our pop-up camper and staying in that, but we'll be spending our time eating every single meal in the dining hall.  Mama doesn't have to think about cooking or doing the cooking for a WHOLE WEEK!  This is the icing on the cake.

-JJ & I are helping to facilitate a parenting class at church and participating in it, the other weeks.  It's called Swimming Upstream 101.  Parenting a child to have values, morals and a Biblical foundation today is completely counter cultural... Thus Swimming Upstream!  The video series we're watching (and reading the book to go along with it) is called Visionary Parenting and it is absolutely, hands down, phenomenal material.  More on all of this in a later post. 

-A very, very dear friend of mine is due to have her 4th baby in about 2 weeks.  I am anxiously awaiting this beautiful girl, because I KNOW that God has and is working miracles in her life already!

-Soccer sign ups for summer is happening soon. Both kids want to play again.  Jonah was very enthusiastic about wanting to play (the more... how shall we say it in a nice way? "Relaxed" player of the two).  Aphia was actually a little reluctant (the more... aggressive & cognizant player of the two). 
I loved watching both of them play last year- a stark difference from watching t-ball the two years prior (it might have been more fun to try to pluck each toe nail off one by one). 

-Today, Isaiah was the red Power Ranger and his name was Sam.  On Sunday when I went to pick him up from Sunday school, he was not there, but I was delighted to be able to pick up Superman.  We are trying to find a nice happy medium of imaginging and playing pretend (which he is VERY good at) and not telling all out lies (which he is getting good at). 

-My new nephew Ryan Jr., who I would like to call RJ but I haven't cleared that with my SIL, is 3 weeks old.  He has found his voice.  He is stressing out my SIL and I'm praying for him and her.  Those early days can be so touch and go.  It's all new and a learning process.  It's exhausting. 

-JJ is amazing these days. I keep thanking God for the man that he is to our family.  Just like everyone, we go through ups and downs, that's life.  But I love to ride the ups and downs with him.  With him the ups don't go as high and the downs don't go down too far.  I like that he keeps us pretty steady.  I'm not always the most even keeled person don'tchaknow.

So that's what's happening in Kruger Land these days. I hope you are well and making it through the winter.  Today we are one day closer to spring than we were yesterday!  Yahoo!  Peace out y'all.