Not Ok...

I have had lots of things swirling around in my head to blog about for a while now. None of them have come to fruition- obviously. But the past few days these words have been coming up a lot lately with Jeremiah and I... "We're not ok."

Let me back up. About a year ago, we really were NOT ok, not at all. Life had caught up with us and was trying to defeat us. We realized that for several years "change" was the name of the game in our lives. Now there was nothing on the horizon that was going to change and we had to figure out how to live normally with each other instead of in the mode of change. We had previously always been ready to engage in another adventure like having a child, stopping a job, starting a new job, moving homes, having another child, another job change, another child, etc.

We decided to talk with a counselor (gulp- did I just tell that to the blog world?) and it was a great decision. I was very reassured after our first visit with him when he said, "Most couples I deal with already have one OR two feet out the door. The fact that you two are not in that position and are wanting to work on your marriage before it gets close to that is a very positive sign."

One of the things that he told us was to have the attitude that "We're not ok," because the moment that you think you ARE ok and that things are good, you let yourself slide. With that mindset you stop working on your marriage and start focusing inward. It's like the alcoholic who thinks s/he is doing ok and will be just fine to have one drink. As we all know, this would not be ok. Marriage is the same. As soon as you think "We're fine," that's the moment you start to NOT be ok.

We've been applying what we've learned from our counselor for several months now. In all honesty, it was actually a few months after our last visit that things actually started to really turn around. I really had to take "letting go of control" to a whole new level and Jeremiah had to take "stepping it up" to a whole new level.

Jeremiah mentioned the other day that we weren't ok and it kind of took me off guard... This is usually MY point of view ;) But then he reminded of me what Dr. A had said and I was delightfully appreciative of his perspective. He is proving to take our counselors words to heart and apply them in our marriage and family.

I always hesitate to write or say stuff like this because I have that feeling that the other shoe will then drop shortly thereafter. This time I'm choosing to name and claim it baby! And all the while, I'll continue praying that no other shoes ever drop :) But if they do, we'll make it. Neither of us is leaving and we're in this for the long haul.