Anxietyish

I like the word (er... well made up word) "anxietyish" because I feel like when I need to use it, it describes more of how I'm feeling than "anxious." "Anxious" to me sounds more like, can't wait, with some excitement, and a wanting for an event to happen quickly. "Anxietyish" has more of a nervous, impending doom, type of a feeling for me. My brother and I have used this word for years, I like it, and I'm sticking to it.

So the last few days I've been feeling anxietyish. When I was about to have Jonah, it was PURE excitement, I was not nervous in the least. I had always wanted to be a mom, pictured being a mom, and couldn't wait for my day to be a mom to finally be here. And even after we took him home, I never found it to be a big deal... being a mom to one was a breeze to me. When Aphia was about to be born, it was a similar scenario. I always knew that I wanted more than one child, and the time had come to have TWO!

Well, now that I have more than one child, have felt the chaoticness of more than one child, have felt the pull from more than one child, needed to give attention to more than one child... I'm about to have a third. Really? REALLY?! Although I know that Isaiah was meant to be, I sometimes ask myself, "WHAT were we thinking?! Dear Lord!!" I'm having anxiety for many reasons, but I truly feel like this next few months is really, really going to kick me in the rear. This was even confirmed by a dear friend who tells me the truth in that it's going to be "hellatious." The thing is, I'm most positive that she's exactly right. Oh goody.

I'm going to have 3 kids, ages 4 and under (Jonah will be 5 just a couple weeks after Isaiah is born, but STILL!). I'll have to get three kids out the door when we need to go somewhere. We'll have three mouths to feed. Three bodies to clothe. Three children to rear and guide in the ways of the Lord. Three children to love on and discipline. Three kids to teach. Three kids, each with their own activities to fund and tranport to. SIX sets of tears to dry when they're sad or mad or upset. SIXTY fingers and toenails to clip, plus my own! Whew.

Here's the other thing. I had always wanted more than three kids. I always pictured having 4 or even 5. Pretty sure, we're going to stay at three.

Sometimes Jeremiah and I JOKE and say, "What were we thinking?! Is it too late to go back and change our minds?!" HAHA- JOKE. Here's the really, really sad thing that has crossed my mind in all of this. There are places where we could change our minds. I'm not up on the abortion laws to closely these days in regards to at what point they are not allowed anymore, but I know there are places where partial birth abortions are legal. Writing that makes me physically ill, to the point of wanting to vomit.

Psalm 139:13-14 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me

together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully

and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

We've decided not to even JOKE about that anymore. Isaiah has been created and formed with a purpose, with a plan. Our Father in Heaven will guide us as parents. He will watch over us as we raise our children in His Word and in His love. We will try to focus on what is eternal. Not on what is trivial.

Do I still feel anxietyish? Sure, every now and then. But my dependence is on the Lord and if I've learned something, it's that He always pulls through, and I'll be ok.

This was how it was...

On the 4th day of Jonah being at Pre-School, this was how it was...

Phia and I went to a couple garage sales and I bought her this super cute hat. Back story on the hat: I bought it for her because, a couple of weeks ago, she dropped her other hat right into a Biffy toilet! I was having her stand on the sides of the toilet and squat over it to go potty, and as she was attempting this, she looked down into the hole to see all the treasures there were in there, and her hat fell right off her head into the toilet. Yuck! The most traumatic of it all was when she had to go potty, RIGHT ON HER OWN HAT!!! But when you gotta go, you gotta go!

So anyways, after we got home from the garage sales, but before we had to go get Jonah, I was fiddling away in the kitchen, only to look over at my solemn little girl, hanging out on the chair, waiting patiently for her brother to be home.

After a bit I told her that she and I could go downstairs and pick out a game to play! This cheered up our Little Miss and it was a wonderful morning together.

Aphia and I are having a spectacular time together, these days, whilst Jonah learns and plays away with his friends and wonderful teachers at Pre-School. He really enjoys it and whenever I ask what the best part of the day was he always replies with, "It was ALL the best!"

A New Phase of Life

My mom told me how Tuesday was my Uncle's first day in 41 years (yes, you read that number correctly) that he did not have a child going off to school. Tuesday night, for our family, began what will be the first of many "school nights." It was, hmmm, what is the word I'm looking for... thought inducing to me about phases ending (for my Uncle) and phases beginning (for us) all in the same day.

Jonah was brimming over with excitment and happiness on Tuesday night, gearing up for Wednesday, the big first day. Wednesday day morning he woke me up with, "Guess what today is?!" I jumped up and joined in his excitement as I said with glee, "The first day of preschool!!!" He got all ready, we took pictures, and we headed off!

I brought him into his classroom, where he put his backpack in his cubbie (which is RIGHT next to his best friend Jack's cubbie- Oh the joy!), and got to playing instantly. I was watching the other moms and dads to see when they were starting to leave- I haven't done this before you know, so I was watching them to take my cue. As they were starting to exit, I said to Jonah, "I'm going to go in a minute Jonah," to which he replied, "Ok bye! Have fun, see you later!" Guess that was my cue.

As I drove away, I got teary and Aphia asked, "Why are you sad Mommy?" I said, "Because I'm so proud of Jonah. He's such a big boy. And I love you guys very much." She replied with, as she also started to cry, "I love you too Mommy, and I love my bwotho, I miss him." Very sweet.

I had a good 2 1/2 hours with Phia, running a few errands and tinkering around the house (both of us a little aimless and lost). Around 11:00 she started asking to go get Jonah and it was close that time, thankfully, because she asked me about 58 more times in the next 15 minutes!! When we got to school to pick him up he was again, bubbling over with excitement and joy. His first day was truly spectacular and wonderful. He talked about it the entire way home and for much of the rest of the day.

I took a lot of time to ponder these things on Wednesday. What a jumble of emotions! My oldest boy, headed off to pre-school. I can just imagine next year, kindergarten, everyday. I really didn't think it would be that big of a deal, that my emotions would be fine, but it was somewhat of a rollercoaster... well, more like a kiddie coaster :)

Quack Quack Waddle Waddle

Anyone remember the old McDonald's commercial... "Quack Quack, Waddle Waddle..." with kids in raincoats walking through the rain. Unfortunately for me, this is an artificial memory. My mom would tell me about this commercial all the time, because my cousins would sing it to me, but added/changed the words to "Quack quack, waddle waddle, wee wee NeeNee sniffer." Why these words? I haven't the slightest, but it was what it was.

Last week it rained and rained and rained and rained on Wednesday and Thursday (the two days I decided to have a garage sale- GGGRRR). But the kids loved it and made the most of it and these pictures remind me of waddling through the rain...

Not Me! Monday (er... Tuesday)

So whaaaaat?! So it's a "Not Me! Monday" on a Tuesday, that's just how life is sometimes!

So here's my chance to let you know all of the embarassing things that I did "not" do recently...

I most certainly did not kick Jonah when we were standing in the check out line waiting for a REALLY slow guy in the express check out a couple weeks ago (ok I really didn't, I just stuck my leg out- rather high for a pregnant lady- so that he wouldn't go careening into the slow man ahead of us). Jonah did not then turn around and, very loudly, say, "OOOOWWWW! Mom! Why did you kick me?!" And I, then, did not glance over my shoulder to see the wife of one of our pastors standing in line right behind me. I would never "kick" my child, in a grocery store, in front of our pastor's wife. But if I did, I'm sure she'd understand, she's had kids.

I'm am definitely not a mother who ever has to discipline her children in the least-they're always perfect! So last week, Aphia had not had some spankings and time-outs for playing in the toilet water after repeatedly being told not to do that- because she would not ever do such a gross thing! After the last time, I definitely did not have this lecture from her afterwards, (and picture this with the Aphia voice and her hands out in a "what?" fashion) "Mommy, I payed in da poopy toilet watoe. You pank my bottom and I go in a time- out. It's sooooo yucky! I make you soooooo mad! I won't do it again, and den you be sssooooo happy!" Apparently we had not had this conversation oodles of times and it was finally not ingrained in her head!

Have a wonderful week and I hope you do not ever do anything embarrassing and live to blog about it!

Mr. IJK

As the weeks pass, very quickly, I'm feeling more and more ready and not ready, anxious and at peace, physically good and enormous, on top of the world and a little frightened about Mr. Isaiah John Kruger coming into the world in just over 2 months. I'm currently 27 1/2 weeks pregnant and the time is going quicker than ever.


This picture was taken of me (and Phia and Isaiah) when we were in Oxford, MS visiting my cousins in July. I assure you, I'm much, much bigger now. How is this possible? Good gracious! With all three children, my doctors have told me that I have a LOT of amniotic fluid, but seriously folks, it's a little ridiculous!

Things have been going very good so far. My blood pressure has been a lot lower this go round. At this point with the other two pregnancies my BP was running around an average of 160-170/90- EEK! My BP for the past 3 weeks has been at an average of 125/78!! WHOA, talk about a difference! I was on blood pressure meds by this point with Aphia.

My hands have not been experiencing much for carpal tunnel issues. Although when we went on a little bike ride last week, I could tell that if I went much farther, my hands would be tingly.

And although, I could swear that I'm WAY huger than I was with both Jonah and Aphia at this point, I actually just measured around my belly, and it's the same as with Phia...hhhmmm...

I'm letting myself think that I might actually go full or close to full term with this lil one. And then he won't be such a lil one (in my mind)! I feel like I could actually have a normal sized baby, and won't know what to do with him! I'll take one look and ask, "Shouldn't he be potty trained by now?!"

So why the difference in all of this? God only knows that. But I think it's definitely a combination of all things considered. I'm not working (for pay!) which eleviates a lot of stress and busyness. I'm getting acupunture treatments for blood pressure from a local chiropractor- who is incredible! I have a LOT of people praying for me and Isaiah! I had been attending a yoga class once a week (but the session is over now- boo.) And although it sounds corny and cheesy, I'm self-talking a ton- thinking happy, calming thoughts and breathing deeply. Also, I think there is a big difference going from only one child to two vs. two children to three. Jonah and Phia play together and entertain each other all the time and it's great! It allows me to join in the fun, sporadically, and not have to entertain one child all of the time. (Jonah actually picked out Phia's clothes and helped her get dressed today- it was SO sweet! And the outfit was her 4th of July outfit that all matched and coordinated!)

So that's where we're at in this process of adding Mr. IJK to our family. He's going to be here before I know it. Oh! On that note, my doctor says that if all continues to go well, we'll schedule my c-section for the last week in October, probably the 30th. Of course, if things take a wild turn with BP or anything, we'll be completely flexible for him to come whenever. But with that said, we'll be having an October baby!

In the Future

I was looking at the hutch in my kitchen tonight, staring at it with many thoughts swirling through my head. My first and foremost thought was, "In the future, my beautiful hutch that was given to us by Jeremiah's Grandpa, will not contain playdough, and 'Let's Go Fishin' game, and fingerpaints with a pad of special paper for the paints, and cheap shaving cream for playing with on a long winter's day..." And it got me to thinking about all the things that will be different in the future.
For example....

In the future, the front of my refrigerator won't have magnetic letters on it spelling, "Dig" and "Boy" and "Run" like they do at this moment.

In the future, I won't have little boy furniture as my bedroom furniture. I will have a new set, that was not my husband's from the time he was about 10 (grateful for that furniture as I am, otherwise my clothes would be in big Rubbermaid bins in my room).

In the future, there won't be small step stools in front of both sinks in the bathroom, that I constantly knock my shins on in the middle of the night.

In the future, I'll have a new couch in my basement family room. Not one that we took home, repaired, and vacuumed out all the goldfish and cheerios, after finding it, (lovingly mind you) by the side of the road with a sign that said, "Free."

In the future, there won't be Matchbox cars and squirt guns all over the living room floor, mixed in with the castle, princesses, and tea party utensils.

As I think about all these things that will be different, and for the split second that I WANT to be different, it makes me a little sad. The reality that these things will no longer be there, makes me want to savor the day. It makes me want to take pictures of messes and toys and dirty kids, because I'm told that these days go by very, very fast, and I'll want to look back and remember them. I want to look at my life and be pleased with all things surrounding it. And for the most part, I am, and I'm so grateful I can say that I am.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13.

I am reading and pondering the words- the powerful words- of Paul, taking them to heart and cherishing what my circumstances and situation are today. I love my husband. I love my children. I love our life. I am content and at peace with exactly what we have and how the Lord has blessed us.