The Quarantine Post

As with pretty much everyone else, I've had a LOT of things swirling around in this lil brain of mine.  I'm nada special in this scenario.  We are all in this together and we are all experiencing something new. 
Some of us feel like we aren't doing anything different and it should be "business as usual"... IT AIN'T.  It is anything but business as usual.  Even if your particular circumstance of school, work or retirement hasn't changed, I can guarantee that other things around you, which affect you, have changed.  We are ALL dealing with "different" right now.  So I want to give a shout out to EVERYONE here!  Good JOB!  Keep up what you are doing... or for some of you, for what you are  not doing. 

This morning, I've been thinking a lot about what has happened in times of history and how it relates to today.  I was thinking about the memes, because they are LEGIT the things that are getting me through this time!  Follow the news?  No thanks, I'll just stay home, follow the rules, quarantined, and read funny memes.  I don't need to know the stats.  Tell me when it's May and I can come out of social isolation (that is if I haven't drown myself before that because this EXTROVERT is MISSING HER PEOPLE! P.S. Did you see the one that said, "Having trouble not leaving your house?  Try shaving your eyebrows. Problem solved." BEST.)  

Good gracious that was a sidetrack!  Anyways, I was thinking of some of the memes out there and I like the one that says, 

"Our parents and grandparents were called to war.  We have been called to stay home and lay on our couches watching netflix. Don't screw this up."  

And another one that said, 

"I felt so bad about all the seniors in high school who are missing out on their spring breaks, until my husband reminded me about many high school seniors during WWII and Vietnam, who spent their spring breaks in LITERAL COMBAT. Perspective."

While these scenarios are not true for everyone (because... essential workers!) it does put things into perspective.  And this is where I want to give the BIGGEST SHOUT OUT TO THE MEDICAL WORKERS!  They are our army right now.  They are putting their lives on the lines by going to work caring for the sick, the compromised, the elderly, etc.  They are literally walking into the virus, the war, with their armor on, because they took at oath to protect.  Both Jeremiah and I have SEVERAL health care workers on both sides of our family and we don't take lightly what health care workers are doing these days. 

So yes, while many of our parents and grandparents went to fight for freedom because they know the value of every single life, and for who I am EXTREMELY grateful, I want to say THANK YOU to our current front lines- the health care workers. They are our fighters!

❤❤ THANK YOU HEALTH CARE WORKERS! ❤❤         

Just Lots

On top of the kitchen island they are perched, looking at me with intent.  We are having a stare down and so far, I'm winning.  I'm just so tired today, that I don't even have the energy to stand up, walk five feet, and grab a handful of peanut butter M&M's, which happen to be my favorite candy in the whole wide world.
Is anyone else tired today?
Yesterday, I woke to the news (as we all did) of another mass shooting in the U.S. I waited to hear from my longest-time friend if she had gotten home safely, since she was in Vegas for the weekend.  I praised God that she was safe.  I cried out to Him that so many others were not.  My underlying mood for the day had been set as an upset and it lingered there all day, causing me to be short with my kids, irrational in my thoughts, harsh with my tone, and generally irritated at life.
Late afternoon, I received some heartbreaking, "Why?! asking" news from a friend, that made my heart wrench.  Pile on top of that the fact that I just had my second carpal tunnel surgery on Friday, the dull, nagging pain from the incision, and the general inability to do anything that requires two hands and I was just a pile of piles.
Today I woke up after a good night of sleep, which I was grateful for!  Aphia made a comment about how I can sleep through anything.  She was right.  Jeremiah said, "Yep, you slept through me waking up at 3:00 a.m. to check the sump pump after all the rain.  You slept through me finding that it was working fine.  You slept through me walking to the opposite corner of the basement to step in a slush of water.  You slept through me vacuuming up 3 gallons of water, turning on the dehumidifier, and the fan."  My jaw dropped as I said, "Seriously?!  Of course, it wouldn't be carpal tunnel surgery if we didn't have water in the basement!"  {side note: The day after my first carpal tunnel surgery last summer we found our ENTIRE basement under water after the sump pump just quit.}  And then I looked at my calendar and remembered that I had signed up (weeeeeeeks ago) to deliver Meals on Wheels today (good thing I have 3 great helpers home with me!).  And I'm getting a cold.  And I haven't had a cold in three years and now I'm just plain old mad.  {cough, sneeze}

And I'm just tired.  Tired. The gloomy skies and the drizzly rain just seem to echo our society and my feelings for today.  But in the midst of it all, there is good because God is omnipresent.  He is always near, and His goodness radiates through those who love.  My friends have brought us dinner and cookies and peanut butter M&M's and had coffee with me.  My mom is coming to help me with whatever I need help with this afternoon.  My husband gave it a "good ol' college try" at washing my hair for me, which was better than my one handed attempt.  My hair stylist friend offered to wash my hair EVERY DAY for me and all she asks is that I give back to my church.  My uncle offered to drop what he was doing to come over and help with the water in the basement.  Jeremiah's good friend (who is roughly the same size as him) randomly gave him two pairs of super nice jeans and he has no idea how long I have been procrastinating in shopping for new jeans for him!

And so through all the heart ache of lives lost and the complete devastation that was caused, I look to the Heavens.  I look to see where our help comes from.  My help comes from the Lord, Maker of Heaven and Earth.  He has {lovingly} given us free will and His heart breaks a billion times more than mine when He sees His creation turning to such evil.  I will turn my eyes to Him.  I will love all the more.  I smiled bigger to the Meals on Wheels recipients today and lingered a bit longer to see how they were.  I will treasure each moment with my T&T Awana girls tomorrow, while encouraging and helping to bind us as a team.  

I will turn my eyes to Him.  I will love more.

Today I Want to Cry

Today I want to cry.  Today I want to melt down and bawl.  But not for the reasons you might think.
Today I want to cry out of sheer GRATEFULNESS and thanks to God.

Over the past 3 1/2 weeks I have been the busiest I've ever been in my life in that particular span of time.  And it has been gooooooood.  Seriously, SO. GOOD.  #becauseGod

The week before VBS, we worked, and decorated, and prepared, and prayed, and laughed, and we finished EARLY!  It makes me want to cry.  #becauseGod

The week of VBS was smooth, and beautiful, and fun, and tiring, and challenging, and filling, glorifying, and serving, and joyful, and our generous kids surpassed our goal for our mission project, bringing in over $5100 for approximately 500 Awana clubs to be started in Ethiopia.  500 clubs where kids can come, be safe, be loved, have fun, BE KIDS, and hear that the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE LOVES THEM AND WANTS A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM.  Wow!  What we do at VBS at Buffalo Covenant goes so far beyond Buffalo.  It makes me want to cry.  #becauseGod

The Middle School Mission Trip was my first dive into Youth Ministry at BCC.  And OH what a blast that dive was!  I cannot say enough good things about the week that I got to spend with 3 other incredible leaders and 16 amazing middle schoolers.  The way that God grew us, challenged us, stretched us, loved us, opened our eyes, answered our prayers, held us in His hands, brought us close, gave us laughter and more laughter and more laughter was intense.  Our middle schoolers learned to seek Him, depend on Him, work together, serve selflessly (even when we don't understand WHY we are doing WHAT we are doing), WORK HARD AND PLAY HARD.  And I got home and I missed my 11, 12, & 13 year old people so much.    It makes me want to cry.  #becauseGod

And finally, the Awana T&T Book Completers Campout- two days to end my 3 filled weeks.  WHAT. A. HOOT!  We had a record number of kids on the Campout with 34, 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders.  We were generously welcomed at the Lingo Ranch as we brought in our 34 kids and multiple leaders (who devoted SO much time to serving and helping with those 2 fun-filled days!).  We ran those kids ragged!  We swam a lot.  We played "Captain's Coming" a lot.  We ate a lot.  We hiked a lot. We played 4 square a lot.  We prayed and did devotions a lot.  We worked together a lot.  We finished our two days with ONLY a pair of socks and a can of sunscreen in the lost & found.  ;-)  And our leaders were unbelievable!  It makes me want to cry.  #becauseGod

And today... Today I rest.  Today I'm still in my jammies at 1:15.  Today I ate Lucky Charms for lunch.  Today I watched tv with my kids.  Today I snuggled them.  Today I stopped and looked at them in the eye and listened intently to what they were saying to me.  Today I'm enjoying the rainy, cloudy day.  Today I'm watching Isaiah, with an old school cell phone, listen to songs like, "Ring of Fire" (singing along to ALL the words! Ha!), "Whomp!  There it is!" (But saying, "Whomp! Mayonnaise!"), the Olympic Theme song, the "Friends" theme song, and "Mr. Jones and Me" while dancing outside in the driveway.  Today I wait for Jeremiah to get home so we can just sit and talk for the evening.  Today I texted our small group to say that "Yes!  We will be at the bonfire on Friday night and I can't wait to be with all my adult people!"  And I sit in awe of how God has BLESSED me through these packed weeks.  How He has given me energy (and LOTS of coffee!) to enjoy this time, not just endure it.  How He has put people around me who are being the hands and feet of Christ to the world.  How He is revealing Himself to me in new ways.  How He has give me so much to be grateful for.  It makes me want to cry.  #becauseGod

Dear Wednesday, I Will Choose Joy.

Dear Wednesday November 9, 2016, You will be the day after this election.  The election season when pretty much NO ONE is excited about anything.  Everyone is tired, everyone is annoyed, everyone doesn't see how any good can come of anything.
But Wednesday November 9th, you will be a day when everyone finally sighs.  Some will sigh a sigh of relief because it's all over.  Some will sigh a sigh of fear because of who gets elected.  Some will sigh a sigh of anticipation at what the next POTUS will bring.  Some may even sigh a sigh of happiness.
Today I was reminded of two things, the first of which is something I've been saying over and over in my head for weeks... even months.
1. God is still God and He will not be surprised at the outcome of this election.  He knows that many broken people are coming to the polls to vote for one of many broken people to lead this nation.  No POTUS has been perfect.  No POTUS has been righteous.  No POTUS will ever be any of these things.  As long as our nation (and all nations) want an earthly leader as opposed to the Sovereign Lord as their one and only leader, we will have broken and flawed individuals leading us.  That's just fact people. I'm coming to grips with what this will mean for the rest of my adult life, what this means for the longevity of my children's lives, and my grandchildren's lives, and their children's lives and so on.  And so this brings me to the second thing that I was reminded of...
2. On Wednesday November 9th, when regardless of who is elected, there will still be uncertainty and unrest, I am going to CHOOSE JOY!  Joy is so much more fun than anxiety.  Joy is so much more productive than worry.  Joy is so much better than anger.  Joy can be a choice.  I can choose to continue to focus my eyes on God, His Word, His peace, and His hope.  I can choose joy for so many reasons and that is what I am going to do.
When our new President and leaders take their seats, there will probably be things they do and say that I will most certainly disagree with. When this happens, I am going to CHOOSE JOY and do something good.  I will bring a meal to a person who does not have one.  Or I will give financially to a cause that is bringing broken people to a place of healing.  Or I will give bags of clothing to people who do not have enough, because my family has been blessed in receiving so much from others.  Or I will pay for someone's coffee in the line at Caribou (and not even on the "Drive Through Difference" day, folks!  Ha!).  Or I will invite a family or friend over for Sunday lunch after church.  I can say for certain that all of these things will bring me JOY and that is what I will choose.
So Wednesday November 9th, 2016, you will not have any power over me.  Joke's on you kid.  Take that. Boom.  Mike drop.  
Sincerely, The Me-and-JOY-are-gonna-be-walking-hand-in-hand-and-ain't-nobody-gonna-stop-us Girl            

MNTC

Today at church I was immensely moved.  The Minnesota Adult and Teen Challenge Choir was there to give their testimonies, to sing and to worship with us.  It was beautiful.  I cannot express the deep recognition of redemption there was in the morning.  The word "beauty" doesn't even come close to describing the time.

As they recounted lives that started both as wonderful and horrible, but either turned horrible or continued on the path of destruction.  They talked of addiction and dependence on drugs and alcohol and my brain and heart couldn't help but to connect with them.  I'm only one generation away from  some of the same destruction.  Both of my grandfathers left a deep legacy and imprint of alcoholism.  Neither of them are talked of in high regards and I understand why.  The destruction that drugs and alcohol cause and the stronghold they have on families for generations is a weight that is oppressive.

My parents were pattern-breakers and new-path makers.  They were bold and real about the alcoholism that runs in our family.  They were insistent that I know that it is something that I could have a strong tendency for.  They were smart in how they approached the issue with me.  I was knowledgable about what drugs and alcohol could do to my life.  I was aware of how the pattern was not very far away from me in history.  I am reminded of desperation when I see other relatives struggle with addictions, depression, mental illness, and drug & alcohol destruction in their lives.

But I'm reminded so heavily of God's GREAT story of redemption and deliverance. We all struggle with our own "demons."  Sin is something that grips each and every one of us.  It was SO comforting to be reminded, today, that all of us need to daily lay down ourselves and let the Lord fill the hole in our hearts that only He can.  To be reminded that we have a God who loves us and wants to see restoration in Him.  To bring families back to Him and bind them with His cords that cannot be broken.

The enemy has come to steal, kill, and destroy.  I am eternally grateful that I have parents who were determined that the enemy would have NO stronghold over me, like he had over my grandfathers.  But I am even more grateful that I have a Lord and a Savior who from the time I was born, called and whispered my name, to come to Him and rest in the knowledge of His saving love.  I'm grateful that my own testimony does not include a stronghold of drugs and alcohol, because I'm human and could have just as easily been pulled into that world of hurt.  I'm grateful that my testimony might seem boring to others.  I'm grateful that my testimony does not hold depths that are at the bottom.  I'm grateful for those who have hit the bottom and turned to the Lord, seeking deliverance from the pits.  I'm grateful that they can share their stories with others and help those who are at bottom.  I'm grateful that Jesus Christ came to this earth to seek and save the lost.  Because at one point or another we were or are all lost and need to be found and saved.  

Feeling All the Feels

Lots of feels going on over here these weeks.  Last night Isaiah had his school program.  The Kindergarteners were OVER-THE-TOP cute.  CUTE.  With all their "Boom! Boom! Ain't it Great to be Crazy"'s and their "Que Sera Sera"'s.  Who could stand it?  The program was entitled, "Love You Forever" and followed the story from the book.  Each grade sang a song that went along with the progression of the book.  I can't even.

And then... AND THEN... their music teacher had asked parents to email her a picture of the kid with their parent(s).  And then she did a slideshow with them.  Now press play on the video below, just to listen to the words of the song, it's not the slideshow she did, and read the rest of the blog.

The slideshow of parents taking selfies with their kids or family pictures of the fam while all the kids sang the Coldplay song, "Fix You"... you know the one that goes, "Lights will guide you home..."  and all the kids had little flashlights that they did choreographed movements with. {sidenote on that song... Isaiah calls it "Lights Will Guide Your Bones" because the words go, "Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones."  I laugh every time he mentions the song.}

All of this was especially emotional for me since Isaiah is going to join the older two at home next year and we will be homeschooling all of them.  And so when they sang the words, "Lights will guide you home,"  I was pretty much a fountain of tears.  I'm a fountain of tears just listening to the music, remembering last night, and typing this.  And ya know... when the lyrics say, "Tears streaming down your face..."  it's all just too much...  TOO MUCH PEOPLE!!!

And then if that wasn't enough, Principal Louwagie said that the middle school students had asked if they could sing "The Blessing Song" over Ms. Gorton (the long term music substitute who rescued the music program the last half of the school year).  Que the tears AGAIN!  All the kids raised their hands to her and sang "The Blessing Song" over her.  And I didn't expect it, but Aphia raised her hand and sang along too.

I am so very grateful that God has called us to homeschool our kids.  I feel extremely privileged that I get that honor.  But we also love St. Francis Xavier School.  It is going to be tough next year, not having a connection there.  Jonah started pre-school there and we have had a child in elementary school or pre-school there for the past 6 years.

Jonah is finished with 5th grade in just days from now.  All he has left is 5 math lessons, and I told him that once they are finished, he's DONE.  DONE WITH ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.  Jeremiah and I are going to take him to the sushi restaurant here in town (because he LOVES sushi!) and have a little celebration night with him.  But there will be no tears that night, because it's not one of those ceremonies where I would do that, ya know?  And I think that's ok for now.  I need this to be an exciting time... a moving-on of sorts.  I told Jeremiah that God called us to homeschool because my psyche and emotions couldn't handle all of the "graduations" that schools put on for the kids.  I'd have a perpetual headache from all the tears.  I've decided that I will never grant my children all the credits that they need to finish middle and high school.  I'll always hold one credit hostage so they CAN NEVER LEAVE ME!!!!

Thank the Lord that Aphia has no big things this year.  I would crawl into a hole and die.

Happy Friday.    

Yes, Please Slow Down

We were done!  It was a glorious night of Awana Awards and the year of flexibility was over.  For those of you who don't know, our church was under a major construction project all year (and still is!) This caused our Awana program, for which I am the Commander of, to put on it's "flexibility hat" and go through the year, not knowing what things we might encounter during any given Sunday.

The Leadership Team had endured, showed up, championed the program, and continued to pour their hearts into the lives of well-over-a-hundred preschool and elementary kids. They were the rockstars that kept that canoe rowing.  They may not have known where their small group would meet until moments before needing to be there, but they never skipped a beat.  The kids felt secure and safe, knowing that their leaders had their backs.

I was in "Commander" mode during the Awards ceremony.  I hand my own kids their Awards, just as I hand them to all the other students.  I kind of detach myself and do my job during Awana.  It's a hard reality to look back on, but it is what it is.  This is all we know.

And now, it was all done.  Done.  Breathe big sigh of relief for a year well played.  But as I sat on the stairs in our home, I looked over at Jonah in his Awana jersey.  It hit me, he would take it off in a few minutes and put on his pajamas and head to bed.  And he wouldn't ever put that shirt back on.  He was done.  He was done with Awana.  How could this be?!  Wasn't I just sitting with him, wishing he was a little older so we could START Awana?  I wanted to help with the Awana program at church and wanted him to be older so I could volunteer, but with questions of apprehension swirling in my head like, "Would they need me?  Would they want me?  Would I be good enough to volunteer?"  I guess I really didn't need to think or worry about those things, given the current situation.  :)

Jonah started as a Cubbie at age 3.  He worked through Cubbies, through Sparks, through T&T, memorizing hundreds of Bible verses, doing Bible study and investigation, and completing tasks helping him to grow and build his faith.  And now he was finished.  I looked at him and my world suddenly gripped me.  How was he done?  How did we FLY through these 8 years?

I've been lamenting the days when my kids were little-little.  When they couldn't say their R's and said motodacka instead of motorcycle.  I always seemed to have a way of wishing my life was about 5 years in the future.  Now Timehop has a way of making me wish I was about 5 years in the past.

I found this song yesterday, by Nichole Nordeman.  She has been one of my favorite Christian artists for well over 10 years.  She wrote this song for her son who just completed 5th grade.  I watched and listened to it.  And I UGLY CRIED.  U.G.L.Y.  It's spot on.  Jonah's not done and gone.  I still have 7 years to go with him at home.  But I'm identifying with this song in that I just need things to Slooooooooooow Dowwwwwwnnnnnn.

So, this Mother's Day weekend, this is for all you mamas who just need the time to just slow down. Who just need to be able to enjoy a few moments and trap them in your memories and smile.  

Happy Mother's Day beautiful Mama's, near and far.    

What's It All For?

Get the tree.  Make the cookies.  Buy the presents.  Take the (torturous) family pictures.  Send them out.  Go to the Christmas parties.  Wrap the presents.  Try to remember if there are other presents stashed in the house that you forgot about.  Buy the ham.  Shop for Christmas outfits.  Buy film for the camera for Christmas morning.  Charge the camera battery for Christmas morning.  Make sure your phone is charged to take pictures on Christmas morning.  Stop eating the Christmas cookies.  Try to lose a few pounds before December 24^th when you will see all of your family.  Eat an entire batch of Spritz cookies.  Get to the post office to send out-of-town gifts.  Go to school concerts.  Endure said band or orchestra concert with elementary or middle school students, while your mind is mentally going over all the things you need to do (and secretly hoping your ears are not bleeding from the sound).  Try desperately to finish the things on that list.  Fall into bed each night, exhausted. 

Is this what the Christmas season is for?  Each year, we look back and vow to make next year different.  Have we ever made the next year different?  Have we ever had a Christmas season that we look back on and say, “Yep, I kept Christ as the center of Christmas and we didn’t get caught up in needless and stressful things.”? 

What if Christmas looked like this- Get the tree… or not.  Decorate it or not.  Make Christmas cookies or not.  Play soft instrumental Christmas music (Pandora has a great station).  Go to school concerts and really, really pay attention to your child.  Buy presents or not.  Buy new Christmas outfits or not.  Read an Advent scripture passage each day, or every few days, or just one time before Christmas comes.  Make hot cocoa and popcorn and snuggle in to watch a Christmas movie.  Stop what you are doing (no matter what it is, everything else can wait), take your child’s face in your hands, look into their eyes and tell them that the God of this universe loves them so much that He sent His Son to earth, for the purpose of dying to save us, because He did not want to be separated from us.  Now really, go and do this.  GO!  Even if your kids will think you are super weird, embrace your inner weirdo and do it.  And lest you think I’m just barking out orders I did this with my daughter.  She, of course, looked at me with an, “Okaaaaaaay….?” Look on her face and said, “I know, Mom.”  And guess what, she will remember it.   

This is why we have Christmas.  Christmas isn’t about cookies.  It isn’t about decorating a Christmas tree.  It isn’t about driving around looking at Christmas lights.  It isn’t about opening presents on Christmas morning.  Christmas actually isn’t even about being with family.  Christmas actually isn’t even about giving to others.  That may sound really blunt, but Christmas is about God.  It’s about the Father loving us, how we turned our backs on Him and walked away, how He had a plan to stay connected with us, how He put that plan into motion, how He sent His Perfect Son to earth (a pretty rotten place if you really look at the scope of it!), for the sole purpose of dying so that we would have the chance to be united with Him forever.  Boom.  THAT is what Christmas is all about.  That’s it.  Even Christians, CHRIST FOLLOWERS and LOVERS OF THE LORD make it about more than this, myself included. 

But Christmas is about God.  Let’s remember that this season in whatever we are doing.  Christmas is about God.  It’s not about us.  It’s not about who we see or the presents we give or the food we eat or the Christmas cards we send or the money we donate or the decorations we put up.  It’s about God. 

But I am a practical girl.  I am going to do a lot of those things.  So let’s keep GOD in the direct center of all that we do.  Let’s go look at Christmas lights and tell our kids that we can shine the light of Jesus just as those Christmas lights shine.  2 Corinthians 4:6 tells us,

For God, who said,

“Let light shine out of darkness,”

made his light shine in our hearts

to give us the light of the

knowledge of God’s glory

displayed in the face of Christ. 

Let’s make sweet Christmas cookies and tell our kids what Psalm 19:9-10 says,

The fear of the Lord is pure,

    enduring forever.

The decrees of the Lord are firm,

    and all of them are righteous.

They are more precious than gold,

    than much pure gold;

they are sweeter than honey,

    than honey from the honeycomb.

This Christmas let’s give gifts to others and tell our children that we give gifts because God gave the ULTIMATE gift.  Romans 6:23 tells us,

For the wages of sin is death,

but the gift of God is eternal life

in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Christmas is about the Father, giving us the best gift of all, wrapped up in a simple cloth for anyone who would reach out their hand and simply receive this gift of eternal life. 

And there you have it folks, that’s what it’s all for.  Easy peasy. 

35 Things in My 35th Year

As I approach my 35th year in life, the word "intentional" has been a prevalent one for Jeremiah and I.  There are lots of things in life that I'm glad that I have done, but definitely some things that I still want to do.  Inspired by my SIL Stephanie, I have decided that I want to complete 35 things in my 35th year.
1. Do a mud run (this will be completed two days before my birthday, but I'm counting it!)
2. Go on a silent retreat.
3. Learn to play a great song on the piano
4. Feed a homeless person a meal
5. Go somewhere I've never been before
6. Go ice skating on Buffalo Lake
7. Go to and eat at a Pizza Farm
8. Go geo-caching
9. Do the drive-thru difference and leave a note about Christ's love
10. Complete one month with no pop
11. Paint a canvas
12. Deliver flowers anonymously
13. Share the Gospel with someone who has not heard it
14. Indulge more heavily in my old hobby of bow shooting
15. Read a classic novel... Most likely War and Peace
16. Learn to make pie crust
17. Read Proverbs everyday for a consecutive 31 days
18. Take an impromptu trip with someone who will be equally as excited as me to do so
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.
27.
28.
29.
30.
31.
32.
33.
34.
35.

Light in the Dark

God first placed a desire for missions in my heart in 9^th grade.  Our church youth group was headed up to Belcourt, ND to a Native American Indian reservation about a ½ hour from the U.S. and Canada border.  Now when I say that God placed a “desire for missions on my heart,” I say that rather loosely.  What I really mean is that God was working through my desire to go on a 10 day trip with a lot of my best friends and a lot of cute boys.

Up until then I had been a fairly sheltered kid, as most of us are.  Sure my dad had driven me through his old stomping grounds in North Minneapolis where we would see people of all sorts, engaged in all sorts of activities, where my dad would never actually come to a complete stop at stop signs simply because he’s a smart guy.  But our trip to Belcourt would open my eyes to the vastness of the word “poverty.”  Poverty, by Webster, is defined as 1. Lack of money or possessions, or 2. Poor quality.  All of the above and more were true in Belcourt, North Dakota.

Belcourt… even though here, within the U.S. borders, still its own nation with many troubles.

Belcourt… where most kids get to eat only once per day; meals that are provided at the school, year round.

Belcourt… most are deprived of the Gospel message because their religious history with the spirit world runs very, very deep.

Belcourt… a very solemn place, pretty void of any happiness, peace, joy or contentment. 

Belcourt… a place where the children either craved the attention that we would pour out onto them or be afraid of us.  They craved attention because none was ever given, but some were very afraid of us because the only interaction that they got with anyone who was older was abusive. 

Our main goal for the week was to exhibit and show love to these kids and tell them about the saving power of a relationship with Jesus Christ, the Son of the only God. 

We would run a 5 day Vacation Bible School for any child who wanted to come to VBS.  We had kids as little as 2 and as old as 18.  On the Sunday before we started, we would go to the housing projects to recruit and advertise.  What I saw was this: (and remember we were in North Dakota… Minnesota’s NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR!)

-Houses provided by their government, but very run down

-Alcohol bottles ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE. Yet alcohol is illegal on the reservation

-Naked or barely clothed children running unattended

-Oral hygiene that would shock you

-Stench and stink that I didn’t know existed

-Numerous children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome because their mothers drank to great excess while they were pregnant

Why do I give you these pictures and descriptions?  Because it was real and it was right next to us here in Minnesota.  We drove, in a coach bus, to this town in one day.  We walked the streets littered with beer cans, liquor bottles and other drug garbage.  We scooped up kids in our arms, and  would wonder when the last time they bathed was… and question if it was ever…  We would tell them about Jesus and have many respond that they weren’t allowed to listen to us when we talked about that stuff.  We would pray that our words would fall on at least a tiny piece of fertile soil in their hearts.

I would return to Belcourt two more times in my teens and early twenties and what I would see would remain mostly the same.  But the words I would hear would bring joy and hope to my heart!  “Hey!  You guys were here 3 years ago!”  “I remember when your group came before!”  “Hey, you’re the kids from Minnesota who do the Bible School, right?”  “Hey Blondie, I remember you.”  “Can I come to your camp even though I am in high school?”  “Can I bring my friend too?” 

And we would have a chance to sit with the Christian leaders of their community and hear them talk of the enormous struggle to break the chains of bondage in their heritage.  But to see that the Holy Spirit is there, even if only seemingly as a tiny spark, He is there. 

Which brings me, fast-forwarded 12 years, to a pitch, black tunnel in the underground of Lalibela, Ethiopia in 2013.  When I say pitch black, I mean PITCH BLACK.  Pitch black, people!!!!  You could not see your hand if it was a millimeter from your eyes, even if you waved it around.  It wasn’t even close to closing your eyes, because there was NO light, absolutely NONE.  Now I had read John 1:5 that says, “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.”  And I know the meaning and all that, but to truly and actually experience this kind of blackness was surreal.  In the tunnel it took a little while for it to get completely dark, but once it was, it was a several minute walk, through this very small, hand carved tunnel, in the PITCH BLACK, before light appeared again. 

After this experience, I thought about two things:

1. In the pitch black I never felt alone.  I was soaking in the experience of this and using it as a time to actually practice my faith.  Others might be blessed to practice theirs where and when I don’t, but God used this time with me to draw me to his heart.  I thought about Psalm 23 when it says, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for you will be with me.”  This was so much darker than a shadow (however, I realize there was no death around me either) and I focused on “…I shall fear no evil, for you will be with me.”  And He was.  And He is.  And He will be. 

2. The second thing I thought a lot about afterwards and after a conversation with Guy, who had been walking in front of Wendy, who was walking right in front of me, was about darkness not overcoming light.  I had actually experienced this.  Light always infiltrates the dark.  At each end of the tunnel there was light.  When we were in the middle, in the PITCH BLACK (have I mentioned that it was completely dark in there?!) and coming close to the end, we knew we were close because even with the teeniest amount of light you could see more and more.  We didn’t get to the end and have darkness spill out on to the open ground.  The pitch black had no power of any bit of light. 

Where there is darkness in this world of any sort, whether it be poverty, slavery, addiction, idolatry, greed, deceit, or any type of evil, it cannot remain pitch black when light is introduced to it’s midst.  Light will always shine when it encounters darkness.

When I was on my way to and from Ethiopia I frequently had the question, “Why do you have me here Lord?” and one of the reasons, I realized, was to be part of that light throughout my life.  There is darkness here in Buffalo, in Minnesota, in the Midwest, in the U.S.A., and all over the world.  But when we, Christ followers, venture to step into that dark, we will shine.  Because the Holy Spirit dwells in us and will never leave us, we will shine. 

We can tend to become overwhelmed when we see the big-picture-need in the world.  But God doesn’t call us to be able to see all and know all, He’s got that covered.  We are called to be disciples of Christ who shine in dark places.

No matter what dark (or darkish) place you are in…

No matter what you are doing there (building, teaching, being, doing, etc.)…

No matter how long or short you are there…

If the Holy Spirit lives in you, then the light of Christ WILL shine where you are!

So go, go somewhere and let Christ shine His light of love through you.    

Emotional Overload

I'm grateful to say that I am a person who has been blessed with a wide range of emotions. I'm not one of those boring people (like the boy or his mini-me... just sayin') who doesn't range like us super fun people who are ALL. OVER. THE. BOARD.  What???  What's that you say?  That's not always a good thing?  Hmmm, I'll have to think that one over.
Anywho.  I can be an emotionally charged person, just ask my family.  They would all concur.  And as for those emotions, they have been overcharged and on overload for the last... well... while.
There are so many emotionally charged things going on, indirectly, in my life.  That sounds weird, I realize that, but that's the best way I can explain it.  All these crazy things keep happening to people that I know.  But the main thing is premature babies.  There have been 6 premie babies that I know, all born at least 10 weeks early, in the past 6 months.  Don't these little ones know that they are giving Auntie NeeNee gray hair?!  And the funny thing is, my start to being a mama was to a premie baby, 10 years ago TOMORROW (November 14th).  Though he was only 5 weeks early, it was early enough to give his mommy and daddy a little scare and spend some time in the NICU.
When the first two babes were born in June at 25 weeks, I was in shock, and then another baby in July and then another baby in July, and then another baby in October and then another baby in November.  Did I mention they were all more than 10 weeks early?!  That puts a girl into prayer mode.  And it's hard, when the babies are born early and God answers differently than we ask for.  But I know that He knows the big picture and I do not.  A particularly difficult thing for me in all of this is that I. Am. A. DO-ER!  And for multiple reasons, there is so little that I can do for any and all of these situations.  I process by doing and when I can't "do" then processing is a wee bit difficult, thus the roller coaster ups and downs in my head and in my heart.

Yesterday was the pinnacle of my emotionally charged roller coaster... I hope.  Very early in the morning, my very good friend Holli (who lost her sweet 15 month old, Hannah, a year ago) delivered a baby boy at 30 weeks.  Ethan was born at a whopping 2 lbs. 8 oz! They are doing well, praise the Lord!  Then I got word that Mandy, who delivered Lincoln at 28 weeks and has been at Children's Hospital since July, got to take Lincoln HOME!!!  As I was processing these things, I was also grieving the fact that the Ethiopia team was leaving for Ethiopia and I was not with them.  Even though I know that this was not my year to go, I was still full of emotions!  They were flying to D.C. yesterday and heading straight to Ethiopia from there, today.  Early on, Dana started out the morning, letting several of us know that the whole team was having major glitches in flights.  They all had to rebook and reschedule, praying all the while that they'd actually get to D.C. before this morning, so they could depart for the other side of the world today.  As of right now, they are high above Africa, close to their destination, praise the Lord some more!

So all of this is going on and of course it's a Wednesday and an Awana night.  So with that comes it's normal coordination, but then there was a snafoo with a lost voice and I got word that I needed to do the lesson for the K-2nd graders.  OK!  Here we go, prepare a lesson to give in a couple short hours.  As I'm reading through the lesson in Acts about Peter, God was just waiting for me to be done so He could tie it into the day in an incredible way.  The lesson was when Peter was in jail for teaching and preaching about Jesus' saving power.  King Herod had plans to kill him after Passover was done.  Well, as Peter's friends were FERVENTLY praying, God pulled out the big guns.  As Peter was sitting in his jail cell, chained between two guards with FOURTEEN more of them outside of the cell, God sent an angel to release Peter.  The chains fell off and Peter and the angel walked out of the cell and out of the jail into the city.  Then POOF!  The angel left him.  At first Peter was astonished, but realizing what God had done, he went to his friends to tell them and show him that he was there!  The Lord had answered their prayers in the EXACT way they prayed!  They were also JUST as surprised and astonished!  Here's one of the funny things, we shouldn't be surprised when God answers our prayers, but so often we are.  God tells us to pray continually.  So again, we shouldn't be surprised when He answers them.

So onto how God was just waiting to tie this into my day.  But first back up about 7 months.  My dear friend Becky's 1 year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia.  ISH.  What's up with that?!  A one year old with BLOOD CANCER?!  Talk about a blow to the gut.  Well, it was time to get our prayin' hands together and we did.  Countless amounts of people were praying for sweet Evelyn and her complete healing from the cancer.  Well yesterday, just as I was reading through the lesson about God answering prayers, Becky and Jeremy were receiving the results of Evelyn's tests saying that everything came back clear and she was CANCER FREE!!!  They took the central line from her chest, leaving her to cry for a couple seconds (normally they put children under to remove a line like this, but NOT EVELYN!  She is one tough little cookie!) and then in her not-yet-two-year-old voice proclaimed, "All done!"  Praise Jesus for complete healing and a perfect answer to prayer!

And to top it all off, near the end of the night I got word that another person close to me is newly pregnant.  I am going to speak loudly into the tummy of that mama to that baby to STAY PUT until 40 weeks, lest all my hair go stark gray.

My emotions needed to purge here on this blog.  Thanks for reading... if you even got to the bottom of this!  If you did, I applaud you  :)    

And just for funsies, here are two Isaiah quotes from today.  While still snuggled up under his covers this morning, I was chatting with him and he said to me, "Mom, I don't have jammies on.  Just boxers.  And Mom, did you know that I just gave myself a huge wedgie?!"  No Isaiah, I wasn't aware, but thanks for the info.
Then tonight after dinner the kids were playing downstairs and Isaiah came up half laughing, half crying and said, "Mom, Jonah was making me laugh so hard that I peed a little.  Sometimes I do that."  When I busted out laughing, he was not happy with me, so I straightened up real quick.
Thanks for the laughs Pal.  I needed the lightheartedness.    

I'm a Global-Spaghetti-Thinker

Today is so many things.
Today is cool outside, but not as windy as it has been, thankfully.
Today is warm inside with the crockpot cooking and the dryer drying the clothes.
Today is the one year anniversary of Hannah going to heaven.
Today is a busy homeschool day.
Today is the day before Halloween.
Today is a busy laundry day as we got a lot of hand-me-downs from a friend.
Today is about 2 weeks before the Ethiopia team sets out for their journey across the globe.
Today I am trying to soak everything in.
Today I am praying for so many people, especially a lot of babies.  
Today I am drinking lots of yummy coffee.
Today I am playing a lot of "jinx" with my kids and I am winning ;)
Today I am going to get my hair done.
Today I am still in my pajamas.
Today I wish I could do more.
Today I wish I could slow down more.
Today I wish I could accomplish more.
Today I wish I could just "be" more.
Today I wish my kids were still little kids, now they're all big kids.  
Today I feel burdened.
Today I feel free.
Today I feel full.
Today I feel the reminder of my need for my Savior.
Today I will read aloud to my kids.
Today I will snuggle with Big at nap time.
Today I will carve pumpkins.
Today I will have dinner ready with the boy comes home from work.
Today I will listen to the practicing's of Christmas songs on the piano.
Today I will enjoy Beeb playing with my hair while I read aloud.
Today I will prep a fun science project for tomorrow.
Today I will read Scripture to my kids and let it sit on their hearts.
Today I will be grateful for everything that today is and today isn't.

Creatures of Comfort

We Are Creatures of Comfort…        

It has been a long, cold, blustery, snowy, long, cold, long, cold, snowy winter. It was Thursday of last week and finally the snow was 90% melted away and glimmers of the hope of spring were shining in little corners of our neck of the woods. And then it started to snow, and snow, and snow, and snow.  11 inches of a disgusting white blanket of grossness and school was 2 hours late, then called off completely.  It was April 4^th.  Ugh.  What’s a girl to do?!  Last year I went off the deep end and decided to make a beach in my living room. I had to laugh when the Kirby Vacuum sales-dude (Sidenote off of an already tangented paragraph: I say “dude” because he really can be called neither a man nor a guy or anything of the like because he was all of maybe 17 years old trying to tell me that I should buy his $3000 vacuum. He might have only been 13 because when I offered him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich he was pretty much elated!)…  Back to the point here… I laughed when he said, “Wow, the people who lived here before you must have had a sandbox in the living room!”  “No, that was us, last winter!” is what I got to reply with.  This year, there was no beach living room, despite Isaiah’s best efforts to convince me.      

 

Anywho, just as quickly as those 11 inches of gross whiteness came, they left, by Sunday at noon, it was 95% gone again and the temps were reaching the mid 60’s.  Halleluia!  Praise the Lord God Almighty!  Could it be???  Could we be safe to put away *most* of our winter gear?  It’s an exciting time ‘round these parts when you get to do that folks! 

 

And so the Kruger family got home from church and the children were directed to get their play clothes and tennis shoes on and head outside on what was a glorious day!  To my surprise, the request by Jeremiah and I of our cherubs was met by groans and moans of not wanting to go outside.  What?!  Are you JOKING?!  We have been cooped up for what seems like 8,496 days and you want to STAY INSIDE?!  This train has been wildly derailed and I’m not quite sure of what to do.  Jeremiah replied with, “Ok, you can stay inside, but you guys all have to take naps. Outside or naps. Those are your two choices.” So begrudgingly they went outside. 

 

What, of course, followed were 3 children playing outside for hours and hours and hours and NOT wanting to come inside at the end of the day.  They rode bikes, played with friends, climbed trees, filled up the kiddie-pool to have a bike wash, laughed, yelled, ran and breathed in the FRESH AIR!  They were blissfully wiped out at the end of the day. 

 

So what in the world was going on when they said that they didn’t want to go outside and play? What was up with that?  I realized that we as humanity, so often get caught in what we think is comfortable.  We get caught in the habit or the cycle of doing something over and over and over and it can be a scary thing to pull ourselves out of it and do something different.  My kids had been stuck inside for months and it was like they didn’t know what they’d do with themselves outside.  Here was this GORGEOUS day outside, but the “comfort” of staying inside was pulling at them.  I’m sure that running through Jonah’s complete analytical mind were questions like, “Will I be warm enough?” “Will there be something to play with?” “Will there be someone to play with?” “What if I get bored?” “What if I can’t remember how to ride my bike or I can’t run as fast as I could last summer?”  Going back to what seems “comfortable” always pulls at us.  To step out and experience something better can be scary to some people.  Even when we KNOW that the new thing WILL be better, we can still tend to be hesitant and wary of it.  So weird we are… So weird.  

 

I realized that it’s like that with sin too.  We get caught in it.  Caught in the familiarity of it being around us.  Most of us know that the word “sin” doesn’t have a good connotation.  It’s not something that most of us strive for… at least I HOPE NOT!  But we still wade in its swamp, afraid to step out of it and experience the white sands, blue waters, and amazing sound of crashing waves in the ocean! 

 

We all struggle and get caught in sin.  We get caught in gossiping, we get caught in anger and tempers, we get caught in self-medicating with many different substances and vices, we get caught in comparison, we get caught in judgmental-ness, we get caught in lying (even those little white ones!), we get caught in foul-mouth-language, we get caught in unforgiveness, and we get caught in putting almost everything and everyone before God.  These things are so easy to step into and so. very. difficult. to. step. out. of.  UGH.

 

But just as my kids listened to Jeremiah and stepped outside in the beautiful sunshine, we too can listen to God’s direction, leading us to something that is better.  He says to us, “Go and enjoy the good life!” and we reply with a whiney, “Noooooo, I just want to sit here in my comfy little swamp. I’ve gotten used to the smell and I know the temperature of the water.” And he says back to us, “Ok, you can stay here in this junk and I promise you, you won’t like it, or you can go and enjoy the good life. You choose.”  I want to heed the example of my kids who listened to their dad yesterday, who went out and thoroughly enjoyed the good life!  And I’m telling you, it was goooood!  They were so busy playing and having fun that I didn’t even want to bother them with dinner, so I told them that if they were hungry they could run inside and grab something and go back out. They noshed on Cheetos and bananas and granola bars and strawberry applesauce and Easter egg nest cookies and juice boxes.  I’m thinking that to a kid- THAT is the good life!  Who am I kidding?  To ME that’s the good life!  And I’m choosing to trust the Lord when He gives me a new direction to go.  Just as Jeremiah and I wanted what was best for our children and we KNEW what was best for our children, the Lord wants what is best for us and He KNOWS what is best for us.  Thanks for havin’ my back Lord, you’re pretty rad.